Humorouz

William Shakespeare once wrote, “What’s past is prologue.” Over the four centuries since, that line has become a popular cliché, and the reason that it has become a popular cliché is that it’s often true. Of course, “The reason it’s a cliché is that it’s true” has also become a popular cliché. I don’t have a good explanation for that one, and I’m glad I don’t, because in Philadelphia, we don’t have time to hurl ourselves into an endlessly spinning and self-perpetuating void of language theory. We have important matters to address. Like the 76ers’ search for a new head coach.

» READ MORE: Who should be the next Sixers coach? You decide.

Doc Rivers’ past was definitely prologue for his three years here. He arrived having won a championship with the Celtics in 2008 but carrying a reputation as a coach whose teams failed to finish off playoff series that they ought to have won. Sure enough, in 2021, the Sixers were heavily favored over the Atlanta Hawks in the conference semifinals, took a two-games-to-one lead, took an 18-point lead in Game 4 and a 26-point lead in Game 5 … and lost the series. Then, just this month, the Sixers took a three-games-to-two lead on the Celtics and held a two-point lead with 4½ minutes to go at home in Game 6 … and lost the series. Rivers, in turn, lost his job.

Each of Rivers’ potential replacements has his or her own history and baggage. Likewise, the Philadelphia market has some traits and trends that can make coaching the Sixers particularly challenging. So in the interest of honesty and openness, let’s lay everyone’s cards on the table (another awesome cliché) and explore how the past could be a prologue or a preface or a preview of the Sixers’ future.

Mike Budenholzer

From a big-picture perspective, Budenholzer would seem a terrific choice. Anybody who can win 60 games in a season with the Hawks, then guide the Milwaukee Bucks to their first NBA championship in 50 years, has a resumé that speaks for itself. But there’s long been a caveat with Budenholzer: He has not been as successful as he could have been, in part because of his unwillingness or inability to make the sorts of in-game adjustments and instinctual decisions that might help his team.

Reporter: The Heat went on a 27-0 run there in the fourth quarter, and you never called timeout. Why?

Budenholzer: We don’t need to waste a timeout there. We need to be able to pull ourselves out of those situations.

Reporter: But Joel Embiid fell to the court.

Budenholzer: I know.

Reporter: And didn’t get up for six minutes.

Reporter: Mike, he passed out.

Budenholzer: Exactly.

Nurse earned a ring when he, Kawhi Leonard, and the Toronto Raptors went on an enchanted ride through the 2019 postseason. He also, according to a recent report in The Athletic, tends to rely heavily on veterans — perhaps too heavily — and has sometimes criticized players in the media before speaking to them privately.

Reporter: Nick, you guys went scoreless over the final three minutes. James Harden had the ball in his hands a lot during that time. What did you see from him?

Nurse: Nothing. I saw nothing. Other than one guy driving the lane, trying to get foul calls, and turning the ball over too much.

Reporter: Have you talked to James about that?

Nurse: Who?

Reporter: Tyrese Maxey didn’t play most of the fourth quarter, either. How come?

Nurse: Who?

Frank Vogel

On paper, Vogel probably ought to be one of the more prominent candidates for this position. He grew up in South Jersey, was a Sixers assistant coach for a season, and as a head coach won two division titles with the Pacers and the 2020 NBA championship with the Lakers. As a native of Wildwood Crest, though, Vogel might be tempted to wear an “I’M WITH STUPID” tank top and “IT WON’T SMACK ITSELF” jean shorts to his introductory press conference, which would be a bad look for Josh Harris and Daryl Morey.

Dawn Staley

My colleagues Mike Jensen and Marcus Hayes already have made compelling arguments for why the Sixers should consider hiring Staley. She has the background, the intelligence, and the credibility as a local and national heroine to thrive in the job. But there’s no predicting how a coach without any NBA experience will fare once he or she enters the league. And no matter how focused Staley herself would be on the performance of her team and the outcome of each game, there would always be an element of novelty to her tenure. That novelty would inevitably lead to the kind of patronizing coverage that someone as accomplished and competitive as Staley would only resent.

NEW YORK — Dawn Staley struck another blow for equality and social justice Friday, becoming the first NBA head coach who identifies as Black and female to lose seven consecutive games as the Sixers fell to the Nets at Barclays Center, 113-98.

Jay Wright

Wright’s name always comes up whenever the Sixers have a coaching vacancy, despite all the facts and factors that have always made it unlikely at best that he would ever take the job. He is already a member of the Naismith Memorial Hall of Fame and a beloved figure in the region. Like Mike Krzyzewski or Staley or any marvelous college coach, he doesn’t necessarily need to work in the NBA to validate his greatness.

» READ MORE: Jay Wright is becoming the TV face of college hoops. He’d be nuts to coach again.

More than anything, Wright has been smart enough to understand how good he has it now — he’s pulling in plenty of coin as a college basketball analyst and through his endorsement deals — and how good he had it at Villanova. If he and the Wildcats bowed out early in the NCAA Tournament, it was a broad discussion topic and a cause for widespread criticism around here for 24 hours at most. Then, everyone moved on to wondering whether the Eagles would draft a running back and worrying about who the Phillies’ fifth starter would be. He wouldn’t have that luxury with the Sixers, so why would he put himself through the headache?

Radio host: You were a great coach at Villanova. Now you stink. What happened?

Wright: I just think we’re going through a tough time right now.

Radio host: No, you stink. You’re not even handsome anymore. Get out.

A Nigerian woman has taken to social media to recount the amusing text her husband sent to her when she