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AOC Goes Full AOC: ‘No Joke,’ Jan. 6 ‘Was A Trial Run,’ ‘They’re Going To Come Back’

May 8, 2022 by humorouz Leave a Comment

Far-Left Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) warned her supporters Wednesday that the January 6 Capitol riot was “a trial run,” adding ominously that “they” are “going to come back.”

The leader of the so-called “Squad” of socialist House Democrats, who holed up in her office during the rioting and later claimed the mob left her in fear for her life, made the claim at a town hall meeting for constituents.

“This is no joke,” AOC said, according to Yahoo! News. “Jan. 6 was a trial run, and a lot of people don’t seem to understand that. It was a trial run.”

“They’re going to come back,” she added, without giving any details into the offered conspiracy.

Ocasio-Cortez then hit the GOP, claiming the breach would have been “worse” if Republicans controlled the House and could have prevented Joe Biden’s electoral victory.

“And if [Republicans] take the House, then they have the votes to not authorize and legitimize the presidential election,” she said. “The only reason it wasn’t worse was because Democrats had the House, and [Republicans] didn’t have the votes in the House.”

Ocasio-Cortez was inside her office in the Cannon Building at the time of the breach, which is inside the Capitol complex but some distance from the Capitol Rotunda and House Chambers.

“As for myself, I had a pretty traumatizing event happen to me and I do not know if I can even disclose the full details of that event due to security concerns, but I can tell you that I had a very close encounter where I thought I was going to die and you have all of those thoughts where, you know, at the end of your life, and all of these thoughts come rushing to you, and that’s what happened to a lot of us on Wednesday,” she said on Instagram Live, The Daily Wire reported. “I did not think, I did not know if I was going to make it to the end of that day alive, and not just in a general sense, but also in a very, very specific sense and, you know, I think it’s an opportunity for a lot of us to talk about trauma as well.”

In August of 2021, CNN reported that AOC told them she feared she was going to be raped and killed.

“I didn’t think that I was just going to be killed,” the Democrat told CNN’s Dana Bash. “I thought other things were going to happen to me as well.”

Earlier this month, a federal judge acquitted a man named Matthew Martin, a former government contractor at a nuclear weapons laboratory in Los Alamos, New Mexico, on all charges related to the Capitol breach. The interesting part about the acquittal was that Martin argued police let him enter the Capitol and was waved into the building, The Daily Wire reported.

Lawyer Alan Dershowitz later told The Daily Wire the acquittal was “enormously important” and sets a legal precedent.

Related: ‘If That’s The Rule, We Will Win’: January 6 Acquittal ‘Enormously Important,’ Dershowitz Says

Related: AOC Says She Almost Died During Riot, Declines To Give Details; Suggests Conspiracy Involving Police

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Filed Under: Articles - World

Remembering Gilbert Gottfried’s Iconic, Filthy, Utterly Hilarious ‘Aristocrats’ Joke

May 8, 2022 by humorouz Leave a Comment

Gilbert Gottfried, the veteran comic whose death was announced on Tuesday at the age of 67, will be remembered for many things. He had one of the most iconic voices in Hollywood, most notably lending his shrill, instantly-recognizable shout to the role of Iago, the loquacious parrot-sidekick of the villain in Disney’s Aladdin. He was beloved and revered by fellow stand-up comedians for pushing boundaries in his sets. And he will also go down in comedy history as having told possibly the best version of the age-old Aristocrats joke.

For those unfamiliar with “The Aristocrats,” it is essentially an inside joke amongst comedians, believed to have originated in the Vaudeville era. The setup and punchline remain consistent, and both are secondary. The Aristocrats is really about how outrageously raunchy the comedian can make it, and how long they can keep people laughing by putting their own spin on it. It’s an exercise in imagination and, above all, delivery. The lengthy, decades-old joke is so pervasive in the comedy world that it was the subject of a 2005 documentary from Paul Provenza and Penn Jillette (of magician duo Penn & Teller).

The setup of the joke is as follows: a family walks into the office of a talent agent and the agent asks them what their act consists of. Over the course of several minutes, the comic telling the joke proceeds to describe the vulgar “act” that the family demonstrates, each new line filthier than the last.

Told correctly, the joke violates nearly every unspeakable taboo one could think of—incest, rape, pedophilia, bestiality, animal cruelty, you name it. There’s also plenty of gross-out, bodily fluid-oriented humor thrown in for good measure. Finally comes the punchline. It’s not just about crossing the line, it’s about leaping past it. When the agent asks what they call themselves, the family ironically replies that they call themselves “the Aristocrats.”

What makes Gottfried’s iteration of the joke so special is not just his delivery or the increasingly disturbing scenarios he comes up with. (Though, to be clear, both are impressive—his insertion of the aside, “This is based on a true story,” and an ad lib about the anal elasticity of rats are positively gut-busting.) But the context is crucial. Gottfried decided to tell the joke, completely unplanned, after bombing spectacularly at the 2001 Friars Club roast of Hugh Hefner.

As explained in The Aristocrats, the roast took place mere weeks after 9/11, and comedians were treading lightly as the country was still reeling from the terrorist attacks. Gottfried told a joke about the attacks, saying that he was nervous for an upcoming flight to Los Angeles with a connection at the Empire State Building, and he was met with resounding “boos”—with even one audience member shouting that it was “too soon.” As Gottfried explained in a 2019 Vulture interview, he “lost an audience bigger than anybody has ever lost an audience.”

With nothing left to lose, he launched into the Aristocrats joke, shifting gears with a decisive, “OK, a talent agent is sitting in his office.” He goes on for nine minutes and 50 seconds, garnering huge laughs from the unsuspecting crowd and entirely remaking the joke as his own.

Amazingly, it was his first time doing it on stage, but it would go on to become one of Gottfried’s signature bits.

The only other comic to approach Gottfried’s legendary delivery of the impossibly dirty joke was none other than late comedian and Gottfried’s longtime friend, Bob Saget. The landscape of comedy will be forever altered with the loss of these two filthy-minded greats.

Filed Under: Articles - World

Johnny Depp accuses Amber Heard of revenge pooping in court testimony: ‘I could only laugh’ | EW.com

May 8, 2022 by humorouz Leave a Comment

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Johnny Depp accuses Amber Heard of revenge pooping in court testimony: ‘I could only laugh’

Depp testifies about the ‘grotesque’ moment during his second day on the stand on Wednesday.
By Jessica Wang April 20, 2022 at 04:45 PM EDT

Johnny Depp recalled discovering “human fecal matter” on his bed following an argument with Amber Heard during his defamation trial against the actress on Wednesday.

The actor took the stand for a second day at court in Fairfax County, Va., recounting the “grotesque” moment his security guard, Sean Bett, sent him a photograph of feces on his side of the bed. Back in April 2016, Depp said he and Heard had an argument during her birthday party. He wanted out of the marriage and later went to retrieve his belongings at their shared residence while Heard was at Coachella, he testified, but said that Bett advised him that it wasn’t a good time.

“I had received some news,” Depp said. “I was shown a picture of what the problem was. I had gone to Mr. Bett and said, ‘She’s at Coachella. I think it’s a good time to go downtown so that I can get some of my things and get them out of there,’ especially things that were precious to me… and he said, ‘I don’t think now’s a good time to go.’ And I thought, ‘It’s the perfect time. She’s not going to be home for two days.’ Then he showed me a photograph on his telephone of… it was a photograph of our bed, and on my side of the bed, was human fecal matter.”

Johnny Depp displays his middle finger while testifying during his defamation trial against Amber Heard.

He continued, “I understood why it wasn’t a good time to go down there. My initial response to that was, I mean… I laughed. It was so outside. It was so bizarre and so grotesque that I could only laugh. So I did not go down there that day.” Depp said he approached Heard about a divorce not too long after, telling her that he wouldn’t cite irreconcilable differences or the violence, just that “we simply don’t want to feel we have a collar around each other’s necks” and “want to end this with love and take the idea of ownership of one another out of the picture.”

“I figure she understood as well as I did there was no way back,” Depp continued. “I also felt she would understand it was the best thing for the both of us.” Heard then brought up the feces and “tried to blame it on the dogs,” according to Depp. “They’re teacup Yorkies. They weigh about 4 pounds each. The photograph that I saw — I lived with those dogs for many years. It was not the dogs… I didn’t feel like I deserved that kind of treatment.”

Johnny Depp, Amber Heard
| Credit: John Phillips/getty

Depp recounted the same incident during his libel lawsuit against The Sun in 2020, where he fought back against the British newspaper’s characterization of him as a “wife beater.” He said at the time, “I thought that was an oddly fitting end to the relationship.” The actor ultimately lost that lawsuit.

In Virginia, Depp is suing Heard for $50 million over her 2018 Washington Post op-ed that chronicled her experiences as a domestic violence survivor. Though Heard never mentioned Depp by name, his lawyers maintained the reference to Depp was clear and that the op-ed damaged his career and reputation. The two met on the set of 2011’s The Rum Diary and wed in 2015. Heard filed for divorce from Depp in 2016, filing a domestic violence restraining order against him and accusing him of physically and verbally abusing her during “violent and volatile” episodes. Depp has denied the allegations.

Filed Under: Articles - World

Home Sweet Mahomes: East Texas’ Whitehouse Goes Chiefs Crazy Ahead of the Super Bowl

May 7, 2022 by humorouz Leave a Comment

Signs that say "We (Heart) Our Patrick" and "Super Bowl 2020" with Patrick Mahomes' image welcome visitors to the town of Whitehouse, Texas. Photo by Natalie Buckley.

A tribute to Super Bowl MVP Patrick Mahomes welcomes visitors to Whitehouse. Photo by Natalie Buckley.

The East Texas town of Whitehouse is about 10 miles south of Tyler, but in the weeks leading up to the Super Bowl, it is looking more like a suburb of Kansas City. The town is so draped in red and gold colors you might think the best barbecue in town is at Arthur Bryant’s, not Ribmasters or Katie’s Old Fashion BBQ.

This traditional Dallas Cowboys stronghold has replaced the blue star with the Chiefs’ arrowhead logo because reigning Super Bowl MVP Patrick Mahomes II—whose team plays for a repeat title on Sunday in Tampa, Florida—found his love for football as a member of the Whitehouse High School Wildcats.

“Everybody dresses up their places in honor of our hometown hero,” says Gloria Munoz, co-owner of Montez Creekside Kitchen in Whitehouse. One of the most popular items on the menu is the Mahomes Hot Dog, made with pulled pork, fried egg, jalapeño, pickle, and fried onions. It might sell out on Friday, which has been designated as “Chiefs Day” in the town that has a population of about 8,000.

The adulation starts on a sign leading into town, which says “We (Heart) Our Patrick.” The love is all around for the new king of fling.

“In Whitehouse everybody knows everybody,” Munoz says. “When the Chiefs play, we’re cheering for one of our own.”

The Whitehouse Flower and Co., whose “Patrick Is Mahomie” front window design was shown on ESPN and other stations last year, has come up with a new slogan—“Home Sweet Mahomes”—in advance of this year’s Super Bowl, which pits the Chiefs against Tom Brady and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.

“It was a little crazier last year because it was Mahomes’ first Super Bowl,” says artist Natalie Buckley, who designed a silhouette of No. 15 in the back of the flower shop. “But the orders for new signs have picked up in the last week.”

Co-owner Gloria Munoz stands in the center surrounded by the crew at Montez Creekside Kitchen, which sells the Mahomes Hot Dog. Photo courtesy Gloria Munoz.

Co-owner Gloria Munoz (center) and her crew at Montez Creekside Kitchen, which sells the Mahomes Hot Dog for $9. Photo courtesy Gloria Munoz.

Mahomes plays for Kansas City, but also represents Whitehouse, where his mother, Randi, who graduated from nearby Troup High School, moved her family in 2005. Patrick’s father, Pat Mahomes, a former major league baseball pitcher from Lindale, and Randi divorced when Patrick was 10 and brother Jackson was 5. But both parents have been active in their kids’ lives and remain friendly.

“Patrick was raised right,” says Mundo Villapudua, whose son Esteban knew Mahomes in high school. “It’s always ‘Yes, sir’ and ‘Yes, ma’am.’” Mahomes’ fiancée, Brittany Mathews, a former Whitehouse cheerleader, has been his girlfriend since the 10th grade. “Patrick hasn’t gotten too big for this little town,” Villapudua says.

Mahomes returns to East Texas for a couple months every year after football season to see friends and family and workout at the APEC training center in Tyler. He golfs at the Hollytree Country Club, where his mother has worked as an event planner for 15 years. “Folks here try to give him his space, that respect, but he’s such a big star,” Villapudua says. “Sometimes there’s a fuss, but he’s so good to people.”

It seemed unlikely that Smith County would ever produce another NFL legend as big as Earl Campbell, who won a Heisman Trophy playing for the University of Texas Longhorns, then brought “Love Ya Blue” frenzy to Houston Oilers fans in the late 1970s. But the accomplishments of “The Tyler Rose,” a first-ballot NFL Hall of Famer, could eventually be overshadowed by “The Whitehouse Cannon.” Mahomes’ arm strength and accuracy are two primary reasons Kansas City ended a 50-year Super Bowl drought by beating San Francisco 31- 20 in last year’s finale.

At age 25, the lightly recruited former Wildcats quarterback has set passing records during his time at Texas Tech, won the NFL Most Valuable Player award, and led his team to two Super Bowls. But Mahomes is just getting started, as evidenced by the contract he recently signed that will pay him up to $503 million over 10 years to remain a Chief.

And to think he almost chose to follow his father into Major League Baseball, with his 93 mph fastball providing a new definition of East Texas heat. Mahomes didn’t even play quarterback until his junior year of high school, when he switched from defensive back. By that time, Brady had already won three Super Bowls with New England.

Going for his seventh Super Bowl win on Sunday, the 43-year-old Brady is known as the GOAT (greatest of all time) at quarterback. But the people of Whitehouse will be cheering for the baby goat. As the signs on Main Street announce in red and gold, Patrick is their homie.

The post Home Sweet Mahomes: East Texas’ Whitehouse Goes Chiefs Crazy Ahead of the Super Bowl appeared first on Texas Highways.

Filed Under: Articles - World

Jimmy Carr condemned for ‘truly disturbing’ joke about travellers in Netflix special | The Independent

May 7, 2022 by humorouz Leave a Comment

Jimmy Carr has been criticised for a joke he made in his most recent Netflix comedy special about travellers.

In a of the stand-up show His Dark Material– which arrived on Netflix on Christmas Day – the comedian tells the audience: “Strap in everyone, you ready?”

“When people talk about the Holocaust,” he continues, “they talk about the tragedy and horror of six million Jewish lives being lost to the Nazi war machine. But they never mention the thousands of gypsies that were killed by the Nazis.”

“No one ever talks about that because no one wants to talk,” he says, “about the positives.”

In the caption alongside the clip, Facebook user Alfie Best wrote: “Really goes to show what some people think. I have one thing to say thank you for sharing your views on gypsies as this spreads hate.

“And it shows the world the abundance of abuse we take as gypsy people, glad the audience found it funny.”

Best’s post has been shared many times on Twitter, with The Traveller Movement’s official account posting: “This is truly disturbing and goes way beyond humour. We need all your support in calling this out.”

The group has also asked Netflix to remove the special from its platform.

“I’m so sorry this happened to you,” one commenter wrote. “Your communities receive so much vile abuse, bullying and stereotyping. Jimmy Carr should be ashamed of himself.”

“Outrageous that this was broadcast,” added another.

A third wrote: “Jimmy Carr crash! Never found this man funny, edgy or remotely interesting. And now just downright offensive to add to his woes.”

The Independent has contacted Carr and Netflix for comment.

Last April, Carr had predicted that he would “probably get cancelled” when he returned to doing comedy gigs after the easing of lockdown.

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Carr has drawn criticism many times over the years for his controversial jokes, which have mocked targets including people with Down’s Syndrome, amputee veterans and people with dwarfism.

Appearing on The Jonathan Ross Show, Carr told the host: “Not being able to go out there and do what we normally do has been a challenge. They’re talking about June 21st – I’ve got gigs booked in from June 21st… god willing, that would be a return to normality…”

He added: “I think I’ll probably get cancelled, I’ll be a bit giddy and over excited. I’m a dab hand at it now.”

Filed Under: Articles - World

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