Archives for November 2018
They say the more you laugh, the longer you live. With that logic, these hilarious quotes can certainly add more hours to your life. Laughter is often touted as the best medicine for good health. You don’t need a reason to laugh, yet most people find it hard to get any time to indulge in mirth and joy for even a few minutes in a day.
Here are some hilarious quotes, by famous men and women, which will certainly bring a smile on your lips or a chuckle. Share with friends and loved ones or read these funny quotes to yourself to spend some great time.
Humorous Quotes and Sayings
A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.
Zsa Zsa Gabor
I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.
Joe E. Lewis
Half the people in Hollywood are dying to be discovered and the other half are afraid they will be.
Of course women don’t work as hard as men. They get it right the first time.
I’m all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let’s start with typewriters.
Frank Lloyd Wright
I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.
Hilarious Quotes with Pictures
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.
All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of chips.
Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up the pillow was gone.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
W. C. Fields
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
I was asked to name all the presidents. I thought they already had names.
You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen; it said ‘Parking Fine’.
Funny Short Quotes
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
I’m so poor I can’t even pay attention.
Politics: ‘Poli’ a Latin word meaning ’many’; and ’tics ’ meaning ’bloodsucking creatures’.
I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.
The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off.
I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn’t.
James Holt McGavra
Note: If you have suggestions for hilarious quotes, please let us know via the Contact page. Thanks.
Quote of the Day to make you Laugh
A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain.
The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.
If the dead talk to you, you are a spiritualist; if God talks to you, you are a schizophrenic.
I believe in the discipline of silence, and could talk for hours about it.
George Bernard Shaw
Women spend their whole life to find the right man just to tell him everyday that he is wrong.
You might also like our hilariously funny jokes.
Funny Facebook Quotes
Honolulu – it’s got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife’s mother.
Part of the $10 million I spent on gambling, part on booze and part on women. The rest I spent foolishly.
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.
I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
Wouldn’t exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them?
Just because I give you advice, it doesn’t mean I know more than you, it just means I’ve done more stupid shit.
I have Alzheimer’s bulimia – first I eat everything in sight and then I forget to puke.
Cindy from Marzahn
I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.
Tip: These hilarious quotes make great photo captions on Facebook.
Humorous Catch Phrases
Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?
You are going to be fine, you come from a strong line of lunatics.
When they asked George Washington for his ID, he just took out a quarter.
You’re on Hilarious Quotes to Tickle Your Funny Bone.
During The Turkey Pardon, President Trump Draws Laughter With Hilarious Election Joke
Us4Trump.com Compilation. Today, Peas and Carrots concluded their amazing journey to the White Home, but just one was pardoned for the National Thanksgiving Turkey.
America selected a poll online, via the White House, whether the turkey’s “Peas” or “Carrots” must get the Presidential Turkey pardon. (Videos Below)
Peas and Carrots took a trip to our Nation’s capital all the way from South Dakota! They were raised on a farm near Huron, S.D., under the guidance of National Turkey Federation Chairman Jeff Sveen and by turkey grower Ruben Waldner.
The Governmental Flock of 50 turkeys was hatched in July, and Peas and Carrots were selected to take a trip to Washington, D.C., where one became the National Thanksgiving Turkey and the other its alternate.
Upon arrival in Washington, Peas and Carrots got some rest at The Willard Hotel, adjacent to the White Home grounds, ahead of the pardoning ceremony.
President Trump and First Lady Melania took part in the presentation of the National Thanksgiving Turkey. (Videos Below)
Throughout the pardoning, President Trump offered a speech wishing everyone a happy Thanksgiving. “At this time of the year we assess all the lots of true blessings in our lives.” He said.
Trump made a joke about which turkey was eventually chosen during the vote. This comes after the midterms and the extracted recount procedure that happened in Florida, Georgia, and Arizona.
“I am delighted to announce that today’s lucky bird and important invitee is named Peas. Carrots refused to concede and demanded a recount, and we’re still battling with Carrots.” The President jokingly said. (Videos Below)
Watch President Trump joke about the turkey vote:
“I am pleased to reveal that today’s fortunate bird and visitor of honor is called Peas,” Pres. Trump states at the annual White Home turkey pardon.
November 20, 2018 President Trump pardons”
Peas.”. @realDonaldTrump pardoning”Peas”the turkey is the very best thing you will see throughout the day pic.twitter.com/gbrJWO9NkK– The Daily Caller (@DailyCaller) November 20, 2018 Complete Presentation:
President Donald Trump Pardons National Thanksgiving Turkey
I live to laugh. Do you? Laughter seems to be among my basic needs.Good thing humor
is all around us. I are among those individuals who view our world through a comic lens, for the many part. I believe it is among my coping mechanisms. I ‘d rather laugh than cry. Laughing so hard that I sob, oh man, those are the finest of times!The sound of other individuals’s laughter is music to me, and I find the many ways individuals laugh entertaining and amusing.The other day I viewed a great video on Facebook. It was of a groom and bride. The groom screwed up his wedding event swears,
and the bride-to-be kept breaking out in shouting laughter. She could not consist of herself.Raise your hand if you’ve ever been guilty of shrieking laughter.How about the silent, animated type? You understand, when you can’t catch your breath. That’s hard core laughter
, in my book.Do you hold your stomach and slap your knee?I discover it incredibly humiliating when I
‘m hooting and a snort leaves. Are any of you snorters, too?Do we have any bounce-in-the-chair-and-bang-your-head-on-the-table types?How about when you’re standing and laugh so tough you have to leap up and down like a goofball?Ever split up so bad you fell on the floor and rolled around, roaring with hysterics?I’m guilty of
all the above. Although I try to manage myself out in public, often it’s hard.Baby laughter is, by
far, the sweetest laughter on the planet. Here’s a clip of my grand son: What type of laugher are you?This post was composed in action to
The Daily Post’s one-word timely of the day, “Laughter.” Friday Funnies From a Funny Household What are your ideas? Do you think laughter
is among our basic needs?
What makes you laugh? I ‘d like to speak with you!The post Laughter– I Live to Laugh appeared first on Lynn Kelley, Author.