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Fans joke Harry Kane is cursed as Bayern Munich lose to third tier German side in DFB Pokal

January 20, 2024 by humorouz Leave a Comment

Fans are joking Harry Kane must be cursed after Bayern Munich were knocked out of the DFB Pokal by a third-tier German side.

The England captain is yet to win a major trophy in his career, coming agonisingly close with both the Three Lions in the Euro 2020 final and with Spurs in the 2019 Champions League final.

Saarbruecken pulled off an incredible upset
AFP
That’s one trophy Kane won’t be able to win this season
Getty

Now, Kane and his new side have missed out on claiming one of the trophies available to them this season in humiliating fashion.

Despite taking the lead through Thomas Muller in the first half, Thomas Tuchel’s side suffered a 2-1 defeat to third-tier outfit Saarbrucken, the home scoring in the 45th minute and the sixth minute of stoppage time in the second half.

Kane was an unused sub in the game and Tuchel may well rue his decision to rest his star striker as the record 20-time DFB Pokal winners bowed out.

“I’m beginning to think that Harry Kane may potentially be cursed,” one fan wrote on X in response to the England skipper missing out on another trophy.

“Kane trophyless curse is hitting Bayern Munich,” another said.

“To those who doesn’t understand… the Harry Kane curse doesn’t stop you from scoring lots of goals or winning matches… it only stops you from winning trophies,” a third added.

Bayern also lost Matthijs de Ligt to injury in the game too, with the defender going down clutching his knee after a challenge.

Bayern’s players looked distraught at the final whistle
Getty

Despite their cup loss, Kane and Bayern are of course still huge favourites to win the Bundesliga – but they aren’t running away with that either under former Chelsea boss Tuchel.

The reigning German champions are currently second in the league, two points off of leaders Bayer Leverkusen.

Kane has had an impressive start to life in Germany, with the ex-Spurs star scoring 14 goals in 13 games in all competitions, and will be desperate to fire Bayern to glory.

Reflect on their shock cup loss, Tuchel said: “It feels strange. Everyone who says we have to win here is right. There’s no clever explanation, we are extremely disappointed. We really wanted to reach [the final in] Berlin. It is what it is, we have to congratulate our opponent.”

UNBELIEVABLE SCENES FOR SAARBRÜCKEN! 😱😱

Bayern Munich knocked out of the DFB Pokal by the 3. Bundesliga side in the 96th minute thanks to this Marcel Gaus goal 👏

The magic of the cup! 🏆 pic.twitter.com/8apyoGBu1l

— Viaplay Sports UK (@ViaplaySportsUK) November 1, 2023

Filed Under: Articles - World

106 Funny And Painfully True Memes That Anyone Who’s “30 And Tired” Might Understand Perfectly (New Pics)

January 20, 2024 by humorouz Leave a Comment

30, flirty and thriving. 30 flirty and thriving. 30 flirty and thriv– actually, it’s more like 30, stressed out about finances and way too exhausted to leave your house past 9pm.

In the classic rom-com 13 Going On 30, Jenna Rink imagined that turning 30 would be the most magical thing that could ever happen to her. In reality, however, many of us turn 30 and realize that we’re not old per se, but we can’t stay up as late as we used to and the most exciting thing that’s happened to us all month is when our brand new vacuum cleaner arrived in the mail. (It’s a robot!)

To poke fun at all of the hilarious things 30+ year olds find themselves doing and thinking, the 30 and Tired Instagram account was born. We’ve gathered some of their best memes that perfectly sum up the millennial experience

#1 Speaking Of

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#2 Don’t Say These Things To Me

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#3 We’re All Pretty Cool Tho

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#4 Being In Bed At 8pm Sounds Glorious

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#5 I Regret Nothing

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#6 Not My Bag, Not My Problem

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#7 So Long Money. I Hardly Knew Ye

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#8 Just Gonna Set It To Delicate And Hope For The Best

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#9 This Is My Personality Trait

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#10 Rise And Take It Easy While I Complete All My Tasks In A Timely Fashion

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#11 Ah Yes…. That’s The Good Stuff

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#12 My Precious

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#13 Do Try To Keep Up

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#14 This Post Is Brought To You By My Wife

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#15 That’s The Good Stuff

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#16 Oh Look It’s 11pm, Time For Bed

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#17 It’s Friday Everyone

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#18 If I Hear A Song I Can’t Remember Might As Well Make It A Good 2-3 Hours

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#19 Hello Old Friend

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#20 Me Staying Out Past 9

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#21 I Had My Realization That I’m Old When I Looked At A Pair Of Dr. Scholls Shoes And Thought “Damn Those Look Comfy As Hell”

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#22 How Dare Y… What The Fu… Imma Need A Minute

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#23 Bro When Have I Ever Needed The Ingredients For A Remoulade?

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#24 Me With Stovetop Knobs

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#25 Pizza And I Just Have A Longer History

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#26 I Know What I Must Do But I Don’t Know If I Have The Strength To Do It

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#27 I Asked My Wife And This Is 100% Accurate.. Wait… What?

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#28 Carnival Avocado Sounds Like Something Super Questionable But I’m Gonna Eat It Anyways

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#29 *pops Aleve* Im In My Prime

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#30 Sh*t I’m In My Thirties And I’d Still Do This Over Being On My Phone

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#31 Why Didn’t I Think Of That?

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#32 2am, 8am, Noon, 2pm, 5pm? What’s The Difference Really?

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#33 First Question. How Good Are You With Directions By Landmarks?

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#34 And Now We Play The Waiting Game

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#35 What’s Your Late Night Snack Of Choice? I’ve Been On A Mini Kitkat “Unwrapped” Bender For A Week And A Half With No End In Sight

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#36 And Instead Of Infinity Stones, She Collected Pig Tails

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#37 Bro…

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#38 I Remember When Movie Tickets Were $4.25

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#39 *snaps Picture*

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#40 New Response Loaded For Every “So What Are You Doing Now” Question At Any Family Gathering From Here On Out

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#41 I Still Expect An Invite Though

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#42 I Don’t Have A Problem. You Have A Problem

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#43 Shhhhshshsh! Do You Hear That??

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#44 Don’t Forget To Drink Water Today

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#45 Some Things Never Change

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#46 Go Ahead. Read. What. It. Says

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#47 Bottom Left

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#48 She Is Coming

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#49 The Limit Does Not Exist

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#50 It’s Friday Friends

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#51 It Doesn’t Look Bad Does It?

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#52 Oh Shit My Exam! Wait.. I’m 33.. I Haven’t Been In School For Over 10 Years

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#53 Fun Fact: My Sister Made Me Listen To The Barbie Girl Song About 5 Times A Day For A Solid Month When She Got It On A Cassette Tape

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#54 It Is Not 10:01 You May Proceed With The Enthusiasm

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#55 Also Me: Hits Snooze 20 Times When My Alarm Goes Off At 6

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#56 Everybody Just Shut….thefuckup

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#57 So. Many. Responsiberities

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#58 Gives Us The Foods

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#59 Can We Just Stop Using This Line In Emails?

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#60 I Wore My Nice Sweats

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#61 Eh Maybe Sitting On Instagram For An Hour Or Two Will Help Me Remember

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#62 If Your Plans Involve That, Count Me In

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#63 This….. Is Wonderful

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#64 How Hard Could It Be?

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#65 I Needed This

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#66 It Is Time

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#67 I’ll Take Eating In A Burger Chair Over A Regular Chair Any Day

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#68 Full Circle

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#69 Being A Mallrat Is A Right Of Passage I Get It, I Was Once One Of You But Damnit All I Wanna Do Now Is Buy A New Pair Of Khakis In Peace

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#70 Got Damn My Dude You Gotta Give My Knees A Min

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#71 So Long Souvenir California Coffee Mug. I Hardly Knew Ye For A Day

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#72 Reflecting In Aisle 4

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#73 This Was A Terrible Idea

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#74 It’s Lit Fam

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#75 Yep. I Was Right

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#76 Do You Even Have To Ask

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#77 Ru- Fi- Oooooh No

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#78 I Can Tell We’re Going To Get Along

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#79 Someone’s Gotta Do It For All Of You

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#80 Talk To The Hand Cuz The Face Ain’t Listenin

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#81 This Is A More Accurate Description For Me 8:00pm Sun-Tues: Cameron Wed-Thurs: Rooney Fri-7:00pm Sun: Ferris

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#82 Yeah Haha Yeah You Right You Right But That’s A No No Word Sweetie

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#83 Uncle Joey You Dog You

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#84 This Is Terrible. I’m Glad Everyone’s Having A Good Time

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#85 Can’t Have Too Many Blankets

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#86 Just Gotta Make It Over To The Slopstacle Course To Get Ready

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#87 Day Drinking Or Nothin

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#88 It’s A Hell Of An Adventure Trying To Follow Me Though

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#89 Im Just Resting My Eyes

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#90 “What Was That!?” Nothing!

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#91 Everything Is Terrible But This Coffee Is Amazing. I’m Having Trouble Controlling The Sound Of My Voice!

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#92 Keep Acting Up

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#93 Before Lol It Was :)))))

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#94 Looks Like We Got Ourselves A Rumble

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#95 And Now Your Brain All Day Today. You’re Welcome

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#96 What Happened To The Days Where All You Needed To Stay Out Longer Was A Vodka Redbull

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#97 You Know What They Say.. Wine Before Liquor Never Been Sexier

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#98 Get Off Your Phone Ya Jackhole

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#99 Workin 9 To 5 Or Hardly Workin

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#100 People Just Be Peoplein

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#101 Fuck It, I Don’t Got Anywhere To Be Tonight

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#102 Yeahhh It’s Gonna Be A No From Me Guys

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#103 I’m All For It

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#104 Me: You Have Bewitched Me Wife: Shut Up

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#105 You Know What I Mean? Me: Uh.. Yyyyyess..?

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#106 This And A Goofy Movie Pizza Are The Only Options

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Filed Under: Articles - World

Gypsy Rose Blanchard Offered Free Smile Makeover, Courtesy of Lamar Odom

January 20, 2024 by humorouz Leave a Comment

Gypsy Rose Blanchard Offered Free Smile Makeover, Courtesy of Lamar Odom GYPSY ROSE BLANCHARD LAMAR ODOM OFFERS Dental Makeover … She’s Considering It!!! 1/13/2024 1:00 AM PT Between her glam selfies and active sex life, Gypsy Rose Blanchard has loads of reasons to smile these days, and Lamar Odom ‘s hoping she continues grinning … with a new set of teeth. Sources close to the ex-NBA star tell TMZ he’s reached out to Gypsy on social media … offering her a full dental makeover from his new company Oxy Dental . We’re told Lamar’s just like most of America — he’s been fascinated with Gypsy’s story and felt compelled to help after learning her dental struggle was a big part of her journey. Gypsy’s responded … she’s thankful for the gesture, and is communicating with Lamar via social media, where they follow each other. The procedure would normally cost about $30K, but Lamar’s told her this one’s on the house. We’re told she’s receptive to the idea, but it’s still unclear if she’ll accept. Lamar’s regularly helped out other reality stars with his rehab wellness facility … so this shouldn’t come as a surprise. He noticed some patients at his rehab facility needed affordable dental options, and that prompted him to open his own dental office last month in Lomita, CA. Lamar knows the drill himself … splashing out $80,000 on his own teeth in 2022 after previously confessing on ‘KUWTK’ that he hadn’t visited the dentist in 7 years. As for Gypsy’s ordeal — several of her teeth and salivary glands were removed when her mother, Dee Dee , claimed she was suffering from tooth decay. She was left with just 16 teeth and currently has false teeth and stainless crowns.

Filed Under: Articles - World

Brighton have started as they mean to go on, Rice brings a grittier dimension to Arsenal and new regulations see officials go red card crazy… TEN things we learned from the Premier League | Daily Mail Online

January 19, 2024 by humorouz Leave a Comment

Less than two weeks have passed since the return of the Premier League and a number of fascinating narratives are already in play.

Both Arsenal and Man City have picked up right where they left off last season having achieved two wins from two in their opening fixtures.

Joining them is Roberto De Zerbi’s Brighton. The Seagulls currently sit top as they attempt to navigate the difficult task of competing with the biggest clubs domestically while managing a fixture list that will only become more congested as they embark on their first European adventure.

Meanwhile, the host of new regulations announced over the summer have seen officials offer a much stricter enforcement of the rules with every single team having at least one player booked in addition to several red cards being handed out.

With plenty of action to analyse, Mail Sport goes through the 10 things we learned.

Five players were sent off this weekend as officials enacted stricter enforcement of the rules

Ward-Prowse is perfect for West Ham

After suffering a devastating relegation with his boyhood club, it is fair to say that James Ward-Prowse’s career had reached an impasse this summer.

With more than 400 total appearances under his belt for Southampton, the midfielder was faced with the prospect of trying to keep his England dreams alive while playing in the second-tier for the first time in his career.

As such, a move to West Ham earlier this month was imperative for the 28-year-old to keep himself in contention for a place in Gareth Southgate’s squad for next summer’s euros.

Questions of how Ward-Prowse would adapt to his new team were quickly answered in his performance as the Hammers played host to Chelsea on Sunday.

The ever-present threat from set pieces Ward-Prowse provides is perfect for David Moyes’ side and a pair of assists in his debut will only boost his confidence for the season to come.

James Ward-Prowse enjoyed a dream debut as West Ham defeated Chelsea 3-1 on Sunday

Chelsea’s recruitment remains a sour spot

As one debutant enjoyed a perfect start to life at his new club, another endured an afternoon to forget at the London Stadium.

Moises Caicedo’s British-record transfer fee is bound to bring a significant weight of expectation to Mauricio Pochettino’s new signing, with the Blues dramatically beating Liverpool to the punch by securing the defensive midfielder’s signature.

However, Caicedo failed to live up to his billing after appearing as a second-half substitute, giving away a crucial penalty after just 33 minutes on the pitch to allow Lucas Paqueta to seal the hosts’ win.

Caicedo’s performances for Brighton last season prove he has to potential to be the defensive lynchpin of Chelsea’s midfield for years to come if given time to develop.

But with the Blues yet to secure a secure a Premier League win after another high-spending summer, the pressure is on for the Ecuadorian to find his form and live up to his sizeable fee.

But the same could not be said for Chelsea’s £115million summer signing Moises Caicedo

Brighton are top four contenders

For most clubs, losing arguably their best player can be enough to put an early dampener on their season, to lose two? Cause for all-out panic.

Not Brighton though. While Moises Caicedo and Alexis Mac Allister struggle to find their feet after departing for pastures new this summer, Roberto De Zerbi has continued seemingly unphased at the Amex with his side sitting pretty at the top of the Premier League table.

The Seagulls’ collective strengths punctuated by moments of individual brilliance was on full display in their rout of Wolves on Saturday. 

Kaoru Mitoma’s first-half run and finish offered just the latest proof of his sublime skill on the ball, and their spell of dominance after the interval should serve as a warning to every team looking to rival them for European football this season.

Can they maintain their momentum throughout the campaign? Only time will tell as they ply their trade on the continent for the first time, but make no mistake about it, Brighton are contenders. 

Losing two of their biggest stars over the summer seems to have had little impact on Brighton

Rice can grind out wins for the Gunners 

After a campaign as heartbreaking in its conclusion as it was exhilarating throughout its duration for Arsenal fans, Mikel Arteta needed to make a statement of intent in the transfer market to ensure his side’s momentum was not squandered.

The Gunners’ failure to land Moises Caicedo and Mykhailo Mudryk in January despite being heavily linked with both failed to inspire confidence, but the arrival of Declan Rice for a club-record fee is proof the club are prepared to invest to compete at the highest level.

After securing a comfortable win against Nottingham Forest in the Premier League opener last week, Arsenal were made to work to secure three points against Crystal Palace.

In a hard-fought victory, Rice was integral to his team’s success, pulling the strings and being named man of the match as the 10-man Gunners emerged victorious at Selhurst Park.

If Arteta’s side are to have any chance of keeping pace with Man City this season, these are must-win games, and the quality and stability Rice brings to the club’s midfield will be essential.  

Declan Rice was instrumental to Arsenal’s success as they defeated Crystal Palace on Monday

Everton are already in trouble

While Arsenal set their sights on a title charge, Everton must already be fearing the possibility of finding themselves in another relegation battle come the end of the season. 

Recruitment has been slow for the Toffees this summer, and while they remain hopeful of signing Wilfried Gnoto from Leeds, their performances off the pitch have shown little signs of improvement.

While some encouraging signs could be gleaned from the club’s clash with Fulham, Sunday’s defeat to Aston Villa was nothing short of a walkover.

To make matters worse, Dominic Calvert-Lewin’s injury nightmare continued on his return to action, with the 26-year-old forced off sporting sizeable swelling after a clash with Emi Martinez.

Clashes with Wolves and Sheffield United await Sean Dyche’s side, with victories already seeming necessary to avoid the club once again spending the campaign teetering on the precipice of relegation.

Everton’s second consecutive Premier League defeat was made worse by Dominic Calvert-Lewin’s injury

United need to sign a striker

After so much cause for excitement during the latter part of Erik ten Hag’s maiden season at Old Trafford, Man United’s position after two games feels strangely familiar.

Of course, the pressure on the Dutchman to find success isn’t quite as intense as it was after defeats to Brighton and Brentford last season, but it is unquestionably present.

While the growing pains of United’s midfield three of Casemiro, Bruno Fernandes, and Mason Mount is undeniably a cause for concern, the club’s lack of goals must be addressed as a priority.

The controversy surrounding Mason Greenwood’s future at the club will have no doubt been an unwanted distraction, but Ten Hag must now look to move forward with finding a solution to his side’s issues in front of goal.

Rasmus Hojlund is expected to be the answer to United fans’ prayers when he returns from injury, but the youngster remains unproven in the Premier League and there is little depth to rival him for a starting place, particularly with Anthony Martial poised to leave.  

A lack of attacking options is a serious cause for concern for Erik ten Hag’s Manchester United 

Toney’s future could be away from Brentford

After enjoying his most prolific season in the top flight last term, Ivan Toney’s world came crashing down with the news that he had been banned from all footballing activities for breaching FA betting regulations in May.

The 27-year-old remains unable to return until January, but revealed on a podcast that he has ambitions of a move away from the club he joined in 2020.

Speculation mounted throughout the summer that Toney could be Harry Kane’s successor after the England captain departed for Bayern Munich, but Toney revealed he has always seen himself playing on the other half of North London.

Speaking to Diary of a CEO, the England international insisted he harboured ambitions of playing ‘at the highest level possible’ and named Mikel Arteta’s side as the place he’d most like to do that.

‘The next club I go to if I was to move, it would be the right club. I’ve been a Liverpool fan my whole life but from young, I’ve liked Arsenal, watching Arsenal, how they play & how passionate the fans are.’ Toney said.

Ivan Toney indicated he sees a future away from Brentford in a recent podcast appearance

Stricter rules are having an effect

One of the main talking points heading into this season came following the announcement that officials would enact stricter regulations surrounding dissent and timekeeping.

As with any changes to the laws of the game, players, managers and officials will have to adapt to the new protocol. This has become immediately apparent, not just with the amount of stoppages added on in games, but also in the sharp uptick in the number of red cards being handed out.

This past week saw five players sent off across nine games, with Alexis Mac Allister, Matheus Nunes, Tim Ream, Nayef Aguerd and Takehiro Tomiyasu all seeing red.

Comparatively, last season marked a record low in red cards, with just 30 sendings off across the entire season. 

Should the current trend continue, this week’s five, combined with Anass Zaroury’s red on the opening day would average out to a total of 114 over the course of the campaign, significantly higher the the record 71 reds handed out in 2014-15.

Alexis Mac Allister was one of five players to see red in the second Premier League weekend

Ange has Bissouma revitalised

Ange Postecoglou inherited an unenviable task when he departed Celtic to take the job as Tottenham manager in June.

Spurs had just recorded their worst league finish in more than a decade, missing out on European football on the final day of the season by a single point.

To make matters worse, Kane, one of their few standout performers in an otherwise dismal campaign, left for Bayern Munich leaving the club lacking in attacking options.

But if Saturday’s win over Man United is anything to go by, Postecoglou is the man to revitalise a Spurs side that has been largely bereft of attacking flair since Pochettino’s sacking in 2019.

With a disappointing maiden season at the club put behind him, Yves Bissouma produced an excellent performance against United and demonstrated he has the ability to be the orchestrator of Postecoglou’s re-energised midfield.

Yves Bissouma was at the heart of everything as Spurs defeated Man United on Saturday

City are still the team to beat  

Perennial winners, Pep Guardiola’s Man City have an uncanny ability to secure three points even amid unfavourable circumstances.

City entered their clash with Newcastle with the knowledge that talisman Kevin De Bruyne will spend months on the sidelines with injury and that Lucas Paqueta’s mooted move had collapsed amid a betting probe from the FA.

And yet, the club’s depth in talent remains enough that they can defeat would-be contenders to their crown comfortably even with a weakened side.

Given the opportunity to start at the Etihad, Phil Foden demonstrated he has all the quality to be a guaranteed started for almost any other team in world football, creating Joel Alvarez’s winner on a rare off day for Erling Haaland.

Guardiola complained about his side’s congested schedule before the game, but those kind of performances will do little to declutter their calendar as City aim to progress in every competition and enjoy an even more successful campaign than their last.

Phil Foden was excellent as a rotated Manchester City side comfortably saw off Newcastle

IT’S ALL KICKING OFF! 

It’s All Kicking Off is an exciting new podcast from Mail Sport that promises a different take on Premier League football, launching with a preview show today and every week this season.

It is available on MailOnline, Mail+, YouTube , Apple Music and Spotify

Filed Under: Articles - World

Need a good laugh? The 10 best jokes from the Edinburgh festival 2023 | Edinburgh festival 2023 | The Guardian

January 19, 2024 by humorouz Leave a Comment

No one-liner list would be complete with Olaf Falafel. He’s here alongside nine other standups with great quips from this year’s festival

Filed Under: Articles - World

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