Humorouz

How much can one man give to multiple children bred in multiple homes?

I often think of that when I hear about men, usually famous ones, who have more than a handful of children. According to Nick Cannon, who has welcomed seven, more are on the way.

During a recent visit to Angela Yee’s podcast Lip Service, he was asked about reportedly expecting three more children. He didn’t deny it, joking that if people thought the number of kids he welcomed in 2021 was too much, which was three, they hadn’t seen anything yet. It has since been confirmed that he already has two coming this year, including one child with a woman named Bre Tiesi, due soon, and another with Abby De La Rosa, whom he welcomed twins with in 2021. De La Rosa just revealed that she’s expecting again.

Cannon doesn’t really know how many will be born this year, because after hoping to close out last year celibate, the tragedy of losing seventh child, son Zen, in December left him going back on his plans and engaging in a lot of seemingly unprotected sex:

My therapist told me I needed to chill out. So I was like, let’s try celibacy. That was October. I didn’t even make it to January. I was supposed to make it to the top of year but obviously I started going through some things. I got depressed with the loss of my son. So in December…everybody saw I was so down, so everybody was like, “Let me just give him a little vagina, that’s going to cure it all!” And I fell victim to it because I was in a weak state. So December especially, right before Christmas, I started f–king like crazy.

Throughout this moment, he smiled and laughed about it, and people applauded his honesty about how his relationships work, but I couldn’t help but ask myself, What is really going on? If he and the women he deals with who are fine with whatever this setup is just want to be adults and have sex with one another all the time, more power to them. But once you bring children into the picture, it’s no longer just harmless fun.

With all due respect to Cannon, there’s just nothing really funny about a man procreating so often that it becomes a topic of conversation; (“So how many kids you got coming this year!?”) that private moments between him and his partners becomes public fodder in interviews; that he believes he “fell victim” to the unprotected sex he continuously, knowingly had because he was hurt, and that he mourned one child by, one could say, inadvertently having more as opposed to just sitting in, confronting and managing his understandable grief.

I don’t fault people who have relationships that fall apart within which they welcome a child (or multiple), and they try to do the best they can for their kid(s). I don’t fault people for unexpectedly having a child with someone they didn’t plan to be with but they try to do the best they can for their kid. But I do take issue with people who choose to continuously have children they know good and well they can’t adequately be there for.

And let’s be clear: being able to financially provide doesn’t make up for the affection, time and presence that children need from their parents. I’m not calling him a bad father, but how can one man properly stretch himself between soon-to-be nine children? He simply can’t. How many school events can he attend for them all when he’s not dealing with work commitments (and Cannon has multiple hosting gigs)? How often can he tuck them into bed? Can you truly give your best dividing yourself between a group of people that size?

It seems for Cannon that he uses sex to help him cope emotionally, which may be why his therapist encouraged him to “chill out.” And it also seems that the end of his marriage to Mariah Carey, whom he shares twins with, also changed him emotionally. In his recent song “Alone,” which was about that breakup, he said, “this song is really about reflection, the process of when somebody, and men we do this a lot, where you realize ‘I really messed up, I had probably the greatest situation.’ I had my dream girl, and I messed it up.’”

That situation has allowed him to now be a person who doesn’t see a benefit in monogamy (or contraception).

“I just don’t feel like monogamy is healthy,” he told Dr. Laura Berman in February. “I feel like that gets into the space of selfishness and ownership.”

But monogamy can’t be more selfish than creating a brood of children who didn’t ask to be in the world with women you like to have sex with but don’t want to commit to — just because you can.

I think Cannon, who has been told to slow down and said himself that he needs to slow down, should heed that advice. Because what is the end game? Who really benefits from the way he’s doing things? Truly, not Cannon himself, and certainly not the kids.

As a lot of people in Boris Johnson’s life have discovered, there is a point where he has simply broken too many things for the relationship to be put functionally back together again. Is he at that point with the British public, or even with the Conservative party?

Many are getting a really addled whiff of Humpty Dumpty off the latest revelations, that the prime minister himself attended a “mass gathering” in the Downing Street garden during the first lockdown. This May 2020 BYOB drinks party, to which more than 100 people were invited, kicked off a mere 55 minutes after that day’s designated cabinet minister had given a national press conference insisting that people in England could only meet one person from another household outdoors, so … what was the party theme? Let them eat cheese and wine? Come as the last scene in Animal Farm?

Spellbindingly, Johnson yesterday refused to even admit he’d been at the drinks party, his smile twitching and his eyes swivelling as he cowered in some vaccination centre and gibbered: “All that, as you know, is the subject of a proper investigation by Sue Gray.” Had he been interviewed by Sue Gray? “All that is a subject for investigation by Sue Gray.”

I’m afraid the only sane response to this is: what?! What are you even talking about? Did you or didn’t you go to a big party in your garden, you smirking fibreglass toby jug? Or do you also have to wait for some veteran civil servant to tell you whether or not you put your pants on the right way round this morning? Honestly mate, just MAN UP. Johnson’s turn as “prime minister” seems to have moved past the sarcastic air quotes phase. This feels a lot like government by the crazy-face emoji, tongue lolling out and one eye boggling bigger than the other. Any Tory MP who voted for this galaxy-class liar to become leader should remember they were wrong on probably the biggest call of their career, and consider resigning before the next election to go and work for a charity/arms dealer.

Speaking of manning up, I wonder if the organisers managed to find any ladies to attend this 20 May party? I mean, I’m not saying that people who do well under Johnson are mainly guys who spent a significant part of the past decade masturbating to Game of Thrones. No wait – I am. But one of my favourite things about the one Downing Street cheese-and-wine “work meeting” that we have an actual photo of is that the only two women I can see in it are Carrie Johnson and Gina Coladangelo. Remember, girls: if you want to work at the heart of government, you need to be either a man, or in a relationship with a man who does. If you can dream it, you can do it!

Back to the BYOB party, though – sorry, I know you need flashcards to keep your rule-breaking Downing Street pandemic bashes in order – which was organised by Johnson’s principal private secretary, Martin Reynolds. Apparently Reynolds now wants to get back to the diplomatic service, and perhaps the Middle East, and there is some talk about him being made an ambassador. You know, like when you or I break the rules and mess up spectacularly at work, and they make us an ambassador.

Two days after the May BYOB party, the story of Dominic Cummings’ rule-breaking trips to Durham and Barnard Castle broke, which you’d think would have given these people a lifelong unforgettable lesson in just how incandescent the public were about elite rule-breaking. (And yet, given all the Downing Street parties which followed that Christmas, they somehow forgot it.) But in May 2020, who could have predicted that a potential 100-person boozy gathering could piss the general public off? Who could have predicted that people who’d watched their family members die on an iPad then buried them with only permitted numbers of mourners at graveside funerals would have an issue with it? No one at the party, apparently. In which case, every single one of them is in the wrong job and should resign and go and work for a thinktank/be our man in Havana.

Incredibly, even the Met are finally “in contact” with the Cabinet Office over the latest party revelation. So do settle down to another episode of this farce, which might be entitled NO RUSH, PLOD. Yet again we have to ask: where were the multiple police officers who were stationed in and around the Downing Street complex when this BYOB party was happening? Did they notice at least 30 people having a booze-up, three hours after their force’s official social media account was reminding people of the rules? If not, maybe they could consider their positions/go on the sick for two years then retire at 53 with a full pension.

Smartphones mean most people can check photos to see what they were doing on 20 May that year. I note this party occurred fairly soon after a Met officer told me to stop playing cricket in the park with my children, on the basis that cricket is “sport but not exercise”. Admittedly, I don’t care to run singles (I see myself as the Chris Gayle of Kensington Gardens), but let’s not forget how officious police forces up and down the land were at the time.

What so many hundreds of thousands of us will also never forget, alas, are our own darker stories: graveside funerals; Zoom funerals; funerals after which no gathering was allowed by law. Just weeks before 20 May, a 13-year-old boy had died alone in a London hospital, separated from his family, who were also unable to attend his funeral because they were adhering to isolation regulations. Every single person at the Downing Street party would have known that story.

But I am afraid this goes even further than shame and deceit. It is increasingly unignorable that these serial exposés of No 10 culture are taking place against a backdrop of growing conspiracism in this country. Significant numbers of people turned to online misinformation over the pandemic, and a lot of previously soft conspiracism is now calcifying in deeply concerning ways. More are being sucked down those rabbit holes all the time.

I say sucked; but every one-rule-for-them revelation amounts to a push. After all, when people repeatedly see the duplicity and double standards of those in command, is conspiracism really such an irrational response? The tragedy is that we will all end up paying for the breakdown in trust, both in ways which are already obvious, such as rising anti-vax sentiment, and in ways we cannot yet predict. But they are coming, and Boris Johnson’s way of doing business has hastened them. How can we counter some people’s conviction that “The Man” is lying to them, when the man is so often shown to be lying?

Marina Hyde is a Guardian columnist

Some Nigerian Celebrities have reacted after Actress Bimbo Ademoye shared a video of herself playing a pregnancy prank on her father. In the clip, Bimbo

Draymond Green, four-time NBA champion, Golden State Warriors living legend, TNT analyst, increasingly popular podcaster, and future Hall of Famer, had the last laugh at TD Garden. In the same building where he was greeted with boos and F-Yous, where six days earlier he watched much of the fourth quarter down the stretch from the bench, Green put his fingerprints all over Game 6 — 12 points, 12 rebounds, eight assists, two blocks, two steals, only one foul — and the villain emerged victorious. 

Green took the blame when he missed 10 of his 12 shots and Boston Celtics stole home-court advantage in the Finals opener. He took the heat when he fouled out in Game 3 and the crowd “caught me off guard,” as he put it. And when the Warriors needed to win a close-out game in a hostile environment to clinch their fourth championship in eight years, Green was indispensable. He logged 42 minutes, the most he has played in a non-overtime game since June 13, 2019, the last time they were playing in a Game 6 in the Finals. 

“If you know basketball, and you watch Game 1, I did not have a bad Game 1,” Green said. “And I had an incredible Game 2. And Game 3 was kind of like, terrible, awful. And Game 4 was not my best effort but not totally special. And Game 5, Game 5, I was pretty solid. Came out with great energy.

“Game 6, I dominated.”

Stephen Curry finally, rightfully hoisted the Finals MVP trophy after the 103-90 win, but would you look at that final score? This, like the rest of Golden State’s wins in this series, was a grimy one, a credit to the defense that ranked second only to Boston’s, a reflection of Green more than anybody else. The Celtics scored an abysmal 96.8 points per 100 possessions in Game 6, and according to Cleaning The Glass, only 81.8 per 100 in the halfcourt.  

“Our defense was spectacular in this series, especially the last three games,” Warriors coach Steve Kerr said. “And the Celtics had the best defense in the league, but we were right behind them. I think what made this group really special, besides the obvious with Steph, was the defensive intensity and versatility. And for that, Draymond is the guy to point to, the leader of it all.”

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After both of Golden State’s losses, Green said that he and the team needed to play with more force and that Boston was too comfortable. The Warriors were up against an offense that can reach great heights, but can get off-kilter when pressured and pushed around. They struggled against the Celtics’ half-court defense, but they knew they’d feast on transition opportunities if they could create them. In the clincher, Boston turned the ball over 22 times, 13 of which were steals. And whether the Celtics coughed it up or missed a shot, Green was usually the guy pushing the ball down the court, getting them on their heels.   

Green was also one of the numerous guys crashing the boards. Early in the second quarter, he shoved Jayson Tatum out of the way and tapped the ball directly to Jordan Poole for a 3. About a minute later, he chased down another miss and immediately found Poole for another one. The Warriors rebounded 40.7 percent of their misses on Thursday, and they scored 21 second-chance points.

“He’s our leader, and we need him to be on edge,” Golden State big man Kevon Looney said. “Him and Steph have really different leadership styles, and they balance each other out. When you have Draymond out there putting his body on the line, he can be the villain, whatever you need him to do. He’s going to go out there and do it for the team. We can’t give him enough credit for what he does for us.”

Looney said that the Warriors “kind of play with that same energy that he brings on the defensive end,” adding that “we always talk about Stephen on offense, and we kind of compare Draymond on defense the same type of way.” In other words, you expect him to set the tone for the defense, tell everybody where to be and to make plays like these: 

You do not, however, necessarily expect him to make a floater on Golden State’s first offensive possession, or to make two corner 3s, one of them right in front of Boston’s bench, or to make a long 2 over Robert Williams III as the Celtics are making a run: 

“He always says, ‘I’m 90 percent in clutch,'” Looney said. “We always say, when it’s a close game, he’s going to be in the action and make something happen. When you have somebody you can rely on like that and count on, it gives everybody a confidence boost.”

“He’s brash and he is who he is, but when you need him, he shows up,” Andre Iguodala said. 

Green said that he knew he hadn’t quite put together a great, complete game in the series. To him, it was all about staying the course. 

“I said, ‘What better time than to put it together tonight,'” Green said. “I don’t think I heard ‘F-you, Draymond” all night. They couldn’t. So, you know, it’s easy to chant “F-you” when somebody is having a bad game, but can’t you do that when they’re having a great game? I didn’t hear much of it tonight. Maybe I was just that locked in.”

There was another “F— You, Draymond,” chant on Thursday. This time, Green’s delirious teammates, in a champagne-soaked locker room, were the ones saying it, with well-earned smiles on their faces. 

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