Sensational skit maker, Chukwuemeka Emmanuel Ejekwu, professionally known as Sabinus or Mr Funny leaves fans amused as he shows off what he tagged ‘Wahala
Sassy Shelter Cat Gets The Most Hilarious Notice Put On His Cage – The Dodo
A senior shelter cat in Oromocto, New Brunswick, Canada named Max loves to smack people through the bars of his cage. Because of this, shelter staff made a sign to keep track of his smacks.
10 hilarious Peter Kay jokes kids these days just wouldn’t understand – Birmingham Live
The internet went into meltdown yesterday (Nov 6) with the shock news Bolton-born comic Peter Kay is set to make a long-awaited comeback. The unexpected news broke during I’m A Celebrity last night, leaving fans stunned and desperate to get their hands on tickets.
It will be the legendary comedian’s first live tour since 2010, when he scored the Guinness World Record for the biggest selling run of all time, playing to more than 1.2 million people.
Tickets for the upcoming tour are expected to sell out quickly. But for those unable to bag a coveted spot in an audience, Peter does have an extensive back catalogue of stand-up shows and TV comedies to enjoy.
We take a look back at some of his most famous sketches and jokes – but would they be lost altogether on the younger generations?
1. Giving your mum three rings
“I’m in Bolton so I won’t have to give me mum three rings let her know i’m home safe. Do you do that? Give her three rings and after the second she picks it up. What’s the point of that?”
The comedian is famously close to his mum, who can often be seen in the audience of his shows. He used to call her landline three times, now he just texts ‘three rings’.
2. Labelling your videos
“Me dad used to have a night of labelling, he used to get those stickers that come free with a blank video and get on floor. Number 12… number 13. Who’s had all the threes off here? I’m going to have to use a ‘B’ turn it upside down and bite the p*****g end off. Can’t have nothing in this house.”
Long before Sky+, streaming and even DVDs, came VHS. Played on a machine so big ‘they had to take the front window out’.
Talking of videos…
3. Don’t talk – the video recorder will pick it up
“I remember going round me nan’s at Christmas… ‘What you all sitting in the kitchen for? I thought you were taping Wizard of Oz’ ‘We are – we didn’t want to talk ’cause it’ll come out on video.”
Video Loading
Click to play
Tap to play
Tap to play
The video will auto-play soon8Cancel
Play now
Play now
4. Crimewatch – not as good as it used to be
“Crimewatch video-fits, if you saw someone who looked like one of those video-fits they’d stick in your mind. They’re freaks. They look like Shrek. Reconstructions are bad on Crimewatch, cause sometimes they don’t use actors they use actual staff who were involved in the robbery – they get them back in, as if they’re not traumatised enough… That’s just cruel that, putting them back through that. They have a right boring manager narrating it too – get on with it son, you’re up against Bad Girls here.”
The daytime version still exists, but classic Crimewatch – famous for it’s chilling reconstructions and catchphrase ‘don’t have nightmares, do sleep well’ – was brutally axed back in 2017.
5. Change at the chippy
“I went to the chippy on Friday night. Chippy tea, it’s the law. I give her a £20 note this woman. Now as she puts it into the till she turns to the other woman serving behind the counter and hear me out, as she’s putting it in, she shouts ‘£20 going in Marion, £20 going in love’. I said ‘Ey, mouth! There’s two drug dealers eyeing me up for me change here. He’s got £17 change that lad.’ Going to be lying on the pavement in a minute, covered in peas, winded.”
£17 change from a £20! Peter would have a shock popping to the chippy in 2022.
6. Payphones
“First thing you do when you arrive on holiday, phone home. Go out, find a payphone, how do you work it? Put that card in, is it 0044 for England? ‘Hello? Hi mum it’s me y’alright? What time is it there? 8 o’clock? It’s 10 o’clock at night here!”
Thanks to mobiles, payphone use has plummeted they’re now almost obsolete. Instead, they’ve been turned into mini-libraries and even cocktail bars.
While we’re on the subject of phones…
7. Landlines
“I love it when phone rings at home about 10.30 at night and you’re both like ‘who the hell is this? who’s this ringing at this time?’ Pick it up you’ll never know! ‘It’s rung off, rung off. 1-4-7-1 – the caller withheld their number’. Friend of mine had a phone call one afternoon, had all her family round: ‘hello, hello I can’t hear you love. just turn that TV down I can’t hear… just hang on. What did you say?’ Took the phone outside – it were a dirty phone call! And she’d dragged him round the house.”
8. Booking holidays on Teletext
“Oh no man, you want to get on Teletext. Get a good deal on Teletext. Get on 200, yellow button if you’ve got fast text. But you go on and it’s like page 86 of 400 pages of holidays and you’re just mesmerised by it all. ‘Here’s one, here’s a good one – self-catering, Malta, a fortnight. Where’s hold on here? Hold, hold where’s hold on here?! What you making it bigger for? I haven’t got cataracts. Oh it’s gone off now!’ Three hours later… ‘Coming on again now. Page 85, page 86, nearly there. Oh it’s gone now, GONE. Forget about it.”
Teletext through the TV ceased to exist back in 2012. No longer do we need to sift through pages and pages of holidays then panic when we can’t find the hold button – just get online. Book it, pack it…. you know the rest.
9. Playing out in your slippers
“If you didn’t go abroad then you had your holidays in England. Glorious, six-weeks holidays at home playing out ’til 11 o’clock at night. Have a water fight with an empty bottle of fairy liquid on the front street, squirting suds at other kids. Playing out in your slippers. How fast could you run in your slippers when you were a kid? Three quid slippers off market. They should give slippers out to athletes.”
Kids playing out until 11pm wearing slippers and wielding just a bottle of Fairy – how times change…
10. Taping top 40
“Did you ever do that on Sundays? Tape the charts? Try and stop it before he speaks? That’s a skill, that. My sister would do her own dance routines in her room in front of her mirror. ‘What’s she doing up there? Dancing?! I’ll come up there and give you something to dance about’.”
Once a week, on a Sunday evening, you’d eagerly await number one. Now the chart is based on physical sales, paid-for downloads and streaming – and all you need to do is search online for the list.
Stay up to date with the latest celebrity and TV news with showbiz updates from our daily newsletter here or if you’re on Facebook, you can find our dedicated social media group on all things celeb
Joe Lycett isn’t funny – or brave | The Spectator
Can we all take a moment to marvel at the courage of Joe Lycett? Imagine the cojones it must take to go on the BBC and make fun of the Tories. How truly stunning and brave. Roll over Lenny Bruce and Bill Hicks – there’s a new comedy insurgent in town.
I’m being sarcastic, clearly. And sarcasm, as we know, is the lowest form of wit. Apart, perhaps, from going on the BBC to make fun of the Tories. I honestly cannot think of anything more pedestrian and less amusing than that.
Lycett is being fawned over for his satirical storming of Laura Kuenssberg’s new Sunday morning political show. Boy, he really stuck it to The Man. He pretended to be right wing – what larks! – and said he fully backs Liz Truss. She may be the ‘backwash of the available MPs’, he said, but she always gives ‘great clear answers’.
The usual suspects are lapping it up. They really seem to believe that Lycett’s droll act as an ‘incredibly right-wing’ comic who loves Liz is satire on a par with Swift. He’s become their rebel hero, the beautiful fly in the ointment of the BBC-Tory nexus of power that they think is a real thing but which isn’t.
In truth, this was one of the most risk-free acts of comedy I have ever witnessed. There will be not one negative consequence for Lycett as a result of his Sunday morning Tory-bashing. Because hating the Tories is received opinion among the cultural elites. Poor Laura may have been ticked off with Lycett’s satirical posturing but I guarantee that every BBC bigwig in the control and upstairs will have been chortling along. ‘An ‘incredibly right-wing’ comedian on the BBC? Brilliant!’, they’ll have chuckled.
Indeed, Lycett’s entire schtick relied for its bite on the very fact that an ‘incredibly right-wing’ comic would never even be on the BBC. What a preposterous notion. The humour, for what it was worth, derived precisely from the unlikelihood of such a person appearing on a respectable BBC talkshow. Everyone in the production team, and most people at home, will have smiled knowingly at Lycett’s subtle mockery of such a scenario.
The guffawing middle classes who watch shows like this were all in on the joke. They know that people like Lycett – good, clean members of the cultural establishment – are not right-wing. In playing his opposite, Lycett was actually further ingratiating himself with his own kind – influential cultural players for whom being a Conservative party supporter is such an alien concept that they know instantly it is satire when one of their own claims to be that most curious and risible thing.
Witness the way Lycett kept looking over at Emily Thornberry, the doyenne of bourgeois London leftism. She was his audience of one, the provider of approving laughter to his sarcastic performance as a right-winger. Darling, as if!
Lycett is the anti-Sadowitz. Where comics like Jerry Sadowitz take huge risks – and face huge consequences, like being banned from the Edinburgh Fringe – Lycett stays in the safe, warm territory of elite consensus opinion. Tories bad, Daily Mail awful, Boris a posh lunatic – this is the pool of middle-class opinion every BBC comic now swims in. It’s just dull, I’m afraid. There’s no peril for the comic, and thus no tension, and thus little humour.
Lycett’s comedy is the comedy of received opinion. Comics once bristled at the establishment – think That Was The Week That Was. Now too many of them reproduce establishment ideas repackaged as twee jokes. Expect Lycett to be on the BBC more and more. The director-general will probably have him for tea. ‘Incredibly right-wing – Joe, that was genius.’
32 Pictures That Make Me Literally Laugh Uncontrollably No Matter How Many Times I’ve Seen Them
I’m serious: these are that good.