My favourite kid I ever taught when I was a swim teacher was this little 4-year-old Italian boy. One time he sneezed and nobody said anything so he just went “what? No bless yous for Giacomo?”
When my daughter was 7 years-old she once interrupted a bedtime story to tell me, “In a pie-eating contest, it doesn’t matter if you win or lose because you get to eat pie.” I think about that a lot.
I am very, very sick but a neighbor just rode his bike down the street screaming “WE ARE NOT GETTING ANY MORE ANIMALS!!!” while being chased by his 3 small children on their (decreasingly smaller) bikes who kept chanting “HAMSTER! HAMSTER! HAMSTER!” and I had to share
My 14yo is babysitting for the first time and I just received this text from him. 😂😂😂
One of my greatest joys in life is when Jeff calls the vet to make an appointment and they ask for his name, and he says, Jeff. Then, they ask for our cat’s name, and I watch him gather his strength before he tells them, Baby Jeff.
I showed my students that I can say my ABCs backwards and a student shouted “SHE’S A WITCH!” and then I unzipped my jacket and revealed my Hocus Pocus shirt and they all screamed and the universe has never aligned like this for me
my 93 y/o resident had me watering her flowers for well over 20 minutes because they had to be perfect. she then told me to look at them really closely and tell me if i noticed anything. they were fake, literally not real at all. then she said april fools go get me a coffee. Lmao
I was behind a grandmother who was apparently visiting Starbucks for the first time. The barista said, “Can I get a name for your drink?” She looked very confused and said, slowly, “I guess just call it Bob?”
We pay my oldest $1 every time he reads a book. We’re talking 160 page chapter books. 😂
I’m out $120 this year and he thinks he’s ripping me off. Best investment ever.
this woman just came and bought $300 worth of fireworks and I was being nice and said “ooh are ya planning a big bbq” and she said “no my son has muscular distrophy and was supposed to die by 18, we’re celebrating his 40th birthday tomorrow, he likes fireworks” wow God is good
children are so strange i just had seven (7) young boys on my front porch demanding to see my cat. they had a leader. i opened the door and before i could greet them he said “where’s your cat. i know he’s in there we see him in the windows and he’s real fat.” idk what to do here
When my son was 3 he had a Guinea pig named rufus. One day he left the cage open & rufus disappeared. I bought a replacement rufus, never told my son & things were going fine until the original rufus showed up and I had to pretend he was rufus’s cousin, roger from philly.
@smaisley My freshman roommate would leave the dorm at 2 in the morning and come back around 4am. Thought she was chillin with a boy or something. Turns out “that’s the prime time to watch raccoons at the pond near the HFAC.”
Remembering that time in grad school when my advisor, a great ornithologist, got a random call:
drunk guy, bar noises in background: IS THIS THE BIRD PROFESSOR?
my advisor: um..yes?
drunk guy: DO HUMMINGBIRDS HAVE FEET?
my advisor: …yes
*wild cheering over phone from bar*
My professor handed back our 3 page film essays to my surprise I got a C after class I asked her why “you were supposed to write it about the movie The Emperor of Time.. you wrote it on The Emperor’s new Groove but it was kinda good so I didn’t fail you” so thats how im doing
Sister-in-law had her driving test today. There are three possible spots they use to test reversing round a corner, and one of them she just couldn’t master. So Stepdad Ken went and parked his car there so the examiner had to pick one of the other two. Anyway, she passed.
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