Your reaction to this fairly harmless team-building activity is pretty intense. Why is that? Now, I hate having my picture taken, and I’m not a fan of mandatory fun, so I don’t judge your distaste for a group picture. But what is so mortifying about wearing a company T-shirt with your colleagues? Why would anyone in your life think anything negative or judgmental if they saw these images? It may well be silly, but it isn’t unprofessional.
I hear that this is not something you want to do, but people over 40 with advanced degrees take group pictures sometimes. If you don’t want to take the group picture, don’t. It will be fine. Just tell your colleagues you would like to opt out. You don’t have to explain yourself. You’re allowed to have boundaries. I hope the rest of the retreat is wonderful.
I recently completed my master’s degree, thanks to my company’s tuition reimbursement program. Since my employer took on the financial component of this schooling, I owe them three more years or else I will need to pay back the reimbursement in full.
Your job has not paid you in the form of a degree. Tuition reimbursement is one in a suite of benefits employers offer to recruit and retain talent. It’s fine to be grateful for the benefit, but you earned it. You don’t owe your employer anything beyond continuing to do your job well and, as mandated, staying for the next three years.
If you feel you deserve a raise, ask for a raise. Unless it’s a very small company, I doubt your taking advantage of the reimbursement benefit is even on your manager’s radar. Make some notes to yourself about why you merit a raise and/or promotion, and when you feel the time is right, make the appeal. You may not get what you want, but there is no harm in asking.
Now, in terms of recognition for the work you did to obtain the degree, sure, that’s a human thing to want but this is your employer. Though they clearly benefit from your advanced education, your employers aren’t family members or friends so they aren’t really going to care about work you did, of your own volition, for your own betterment. Look for that validation elsewhere.
A Little Gratitude Would Be Nice
I’m a 37-year-old manager of a nursing home. I have an outstanding employee I hired two years ago as a new college grad. I taught him everything and put him through an administrator-in-training apprenticeship, which he completed. He is great for our business and helps ensure everything runs smoothly. Recently, I made him an excellent offer. After some negotiations, he signed the offer letter for his new position: an assistant administrator. Four weeks later, a recruiter called me to say my outstanding employee is about to sign elsewhere. I confronted the employee and he has tried to backtrack saying he hasn’t signed elsewhere, and that he was only “talking” to other employers.
Meanwhile he confided in a nurse that he got two job offers, and he was countering them on terms. He said he can’t shake the feeling that he wants to go somewhere and be the boss. He can probably get a job as an administrator elsewhere, but I feel he doesn’t appreciate how good I have been to him. I really saw growth opportunities with him. Several co-workers and I think he lacks the finesse and emotional intelligence to be “the boss” right now and needs more experience. I am paying him well. I’ve treated him how I would have wanted an employer to treat me at his age.
I asked him to either give me one year of professional courtesy in his current job (which he began four weeks ago) or leave in 30 days. He said he’ll let me know in two weeks when he returns from vacation. I am left waiting in suspense. Does this mean I should be interviewing candidates for his role? What if I find someone better and cheaper? I am hurt because I feel betrayed. Is this because he is a straight man and I am a gay man, and he has made clear to me that we don’t agree politically? He’s a great employee. Is loyalty to a good employer dead? Is this a Gen Z thing?
— Anonymous, California
You’re taking your colleague’s choices (however inadvisable you think they may be) way too personally. We are supposed to be good to one another in both our professional and personal lives. Treating your staff well isn’t something that requires deference in return, and it’s a shame that social mores have degraded to such a point. Your frustrations are understandable in that you’ve clearly invested time and energy in your employee. You have feelings and they’re hurt, and you should separate that from the professional decisions you need to make. It sounds like this young man wants to run before he walks.
I don’t think he is doing this because you’re a gay man. He’s just being young and irresponsible. As someone with more experience, you know he is being premature but lots of people take on jobs they aren’t ready for and either succeed or fail in growing into those positions.
People who love talking about diets and the surrounding culture really seem to love it or feel a compulsion to perform being good, disciplined people who watch their weight and blah blah blah. The next time your team members spiral into one of these discussions, simply ask if you can talk about something else. Or raise a different subject.
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