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Johnny Depp Chauffeur Says Amber Heard Called Poop Incident ‘Horrible Practical Joke Gone Wrong’

July 20, 2022 by humorouz Leave a Comment

The last witness of the week in Johnny Depp’s defamation trial against ex-wife Amber Heard was Starling Jenkins III, an executive chauffeur and security guard for the actor.

He first testified that he witnessed them argue in person twice, while driving them. “It would be initiated by her, she would try to engage with him, he would tell me to turn the music up,” he claimed.

Much of his testimony revolved around the alleged altercation between the couple on April 21, 2016, which effectively marked the end of their relationship. Jenkins said that the next day, he was “informed by Amber that she got in a fight with Johnny” the previous night — and “threw his personal property off the balcony, into the streets.”

Of the materials supposedly tossed: his iPhone, wallet and credit cards.

Sterling said he tracked down the iPhone using the Find My Phone app, tracing it to Skid Row in Downtown Los Angeles, “about six miles” from where Depp and Heard were living. He said an “unhoused gentleman” had found it and taken it there.

“I approached him about the phone, he was honest, returned it, I gave him a reward for it,” said Sterling, revealing the reward consisted of “$420, chicken tacos, chips, apples, Fiji Water.”

After bringing the phone back to the couple’s apartment, he accompanied Heard to Coachella, where she planned to celebrate her birthday with her friends and sister. Once there, Sterling claimed the two “had a conversation pertaining to the surprise she left on bosses bed prior to leaving the apartment … the defecation.”

He added that she simply called it “a horrible practical joke gone wrong.”

In case you somehow missed it, Depp testified last week that he planned to return to their place to collect his belongings while Heard was at Coachella — but was told by one of his security guards that it wasn’t a good time to do so. “He showed me a photograph on his telephone of … it was a photograph of our bed, and on my side of the bed, was human fecal matter,” said Depp, who also claimed Heard later “blamed it on the dogs.”

Heard, however, denied any such event occurred when it was also brought up in the UK libel case. In 2020, her rep called the story “completely untrue,” adding, “As the evidence in court showed, Mr Depp discussed committing such a prank for years beforehand and it plays to his lavatorial sense of humor. Mr Depp’s team is trying to grab headlines.”

Jenkins was further asked about Heard’s behavior at Coachella, testifying that “she had no worries” and was “there to whoop it up” for her birthday. He also claimed she “got sick at the venue” after “eating magic mushrooms and drinking white wine on an empty stomach.”

Under cross examination, Heard’s lawyer pointed out that Jenkins wasn’t around for any of the incidents of abuse of which Heard has accused Depp. He also seemed to suggest it was Heard’s sister, who was pregnant at the time, who was sick at Coachella — though Jenkins said he could tell them apart.

Depp is seeking $50 million in damages after Heard claimed she was a survivor of domestic abuse in an op-ed in the Washington Post in 2018. While she didn’t name Depp in the piece, his lawyers argue it was implied to be about him and negatively affected his career. She countersued Depp for $100 million.

The actor has already lost an earlier lawsuit he took in the UK over the same article that appeared in The Sun.

The trial will resume next week in Virginia — see all of our ongoing coverage here.

Filed Under: Articles - World

Woman’s hilarious adoption ad for ‘hellion’ foster dog goes viral: ‘He is exhausting’ | Fox News

July 19, 2022 by humorouz Leave a Comment

Fox News Flash top headlines are here. Check out what’s clicking on Foxnews.com.

Hank may be adorable, but don’t be fooled – this dog is quite a handful. 

That’s according to Christine Clauder, from Houston, who found Hank, a stray, a few months ago in an industrial part of town. 

Though he’s “an amazing dog,” he’s also high energy and requires a lot of attention, something Clauder and her family aren’t equipped to handle, Clauder told Fox News. 

“It’s not that we don’t love him, it’s not that we don’t want to keep him,” Clauder said.

Instead, she explained that she’s currently looking for a job and once she starts working again, she won’t be able to stay home with Hank all day. Similarly, her husband is gone for eight hours a day, too. 

A website to help Hank the dog (pictured) find his forever has gone viral for its humor and use of curse words. 
(Courtesy of Christine Clauder)

“Hank cannot be [alone], and he doesn’t deserve to be alone – at least during this stage in his life,” Clauder said, adding that Hank doesn’t do well locked in a crate. “That’s just not his personality.”

Clauder said she built a website, to help find Hank a forever home. 

The site has since gone viral for its hilarious descriptions and use of curse words. 

On the site, pleaseadopthank.com, Clauder jokes about the moment she and her family found Hank writing, “While we were parked outside the Red Bull factory, Hank flew into our passenger side and immediately helped himself to our stash of road trip snacks like a teenager raiding the fridge after school.”

The ad continues: “He’s 54 pounds of pure, unadulterated, kinetic energy with eyes like the ocean. Unfortunately, that ocean also sank the Titanic.” 

Clauder also describes Hank as having an “always-on personality” and needing a “loving, active home with someone willing to train him.” 

Clauder, who has a background in digital marketing, explained that she chose to use humor and curse words because that was going to “capture the attention of the people I want to advertise to.” 

She added that it also “reflected my feelings.”

Christine Clauder told Fox that she and her family found Hank in an industrial part of Houston and quickly found out how much energy and attention Hank needs. 
(Courtesy of Christine Clauder)

“I was very, very, very tired,” she said. “I love this dog, but he is exhausting.”

“I needed the website to be absolutely clear in terms of Hank’s personality,” she added. “But I also needed to be truthful because I did not want to build a website or I did not want to advertise Hank as just a great family dog with small babies and children, because that’s not Hank. And being honest about his personality would reduce the chances of a return.”

Though some people were offended by Clauder’s use of curse words, she told Fox it was intentional. 

“If you’re offended by words on a website, Hank isn’t the dog for you because Hank is an offensive dog…and you will need a thick skin and that sense of humor to be able to raise him,” she said.

Clauder made the website to help find Hank a home and said she used humor and curse words to attract the right kind of people. 
(Courtesy of Christine Clauder)

Clauder admits she built the site without permission from Friends for Life animal shelter – which is handling Hank’s adoption – and she anticipated being asked to take the site down. 

Instead, Clauder said, the shelter’s executive director posted a link to the website on Facebook and wrote: “F—ing Adopt Hank.”

“I felt like I had received the golden blessing from the top of the top. And we just went from there,” Clauder said.

Some of Hank’s best qualities, according to Clauder, are his loyalty, curiosity and intelligence. 

“He makes us laugh every single day with his shenanigans and he is so sassy,” Clauder said. “He just stares at you with those bright blue eyes and you can see exactly what he’s thinking.”

Though her family isn’t equipped to care for Hank, Clauder told Fox that he’s a “fantastic dog” and makes her family laugh every day.
(Courtesy of Christine Clauder)

Hank has also helped Clauder heal after the loss of another pet. She explained that her previous dog died just the day before she and her family found Hank.

Since Clauder’s adoption ad has gone viral, hundreds of people have called the Friends for Life shelter and at least 50 people have applied to adopt him. 

Though he hasn’t been adopted yet, Hank is meeting families and doing sleepovers with families to see if he can find a family that’s a good fit. But Clauder adds that making sure Hank gets placed with the right home is more important than rushing to get him adopted.

Though she’s had some pushback on the curse words, Clauder told Fox: “If you’re offended by words on a website, Hank isn’t the dog for you because Hank is an offensive dog.” 
(Courtesy of Christine Clauder)

“I really do think that he is a fantastic dog…we’re looking for his perfect family,” she said.

Filed Under: Articles - World

Funny Tweets About The Misery Of Helping Your Kids With Math Homework | HuffPost Life

July 19, 2022 by humorouz Leave a Comment

“What wine pairs well with Common Core math?”

Filed Under: Articles - World

Hilarious moment Aussie ‘Butterbean’ says he could fight Mike Tyson – who shows up RIGHT BEHIND HIM | Daily Mail Online

July 19, 2022 by humorouz Leave a Comment

An Aussie tourist with a passing resemblance to famous American heavyweight fighter Butterbean bit off more than he could chew recently when he declared he would get in the ring with Mike Tyson.

The Aussie was hilariously pranked by the former heavyweight boxing champion on Jimmy Kimmel Live!. 

The real Butterbean, circa 1995

Butterbean, real name Eric Esch, is a retired American retired professional boxer, kickboxer, mixed martial artist and professional wrestler. He is best known for his boxing career, which included 77 wins from 91 bouts including 58 by knockout.

Despite being prominent knockout machines in the heavyweight division in the early 1990s, Butterbean and Tyson never met in the ring, although Esch has always claimed he would have won a fight between the pair.

Butterbean was offered a chance to fight Tyson in an exhibition match in 2020, but he declined and Roy Jones Jr. fought ‘Iron Mike’ instead.

In a segment called ‘Mike Tyson is right behind you’, unsuspecting people were interviewed outside the studio where Kimmel’s show is recorded. 

They were asked a question about Tyson while the enigmatic former heavyweight champion listened in before popping up behind them.

When it came to the Australian man, the Kimmel staffer asked: ‘Do you think you in your prime could go in the ring with Mike Tyson now?’

‘Yeah, I’d give it a go,’ the man replies enthusiastically.

Tyson appears behind him and when the tourist sees who’s there, he curses in shock and shakes the ex-champ’s hand.

Tyson shocks the unsuspecting Aussie before the two have a mock sparring session

The two share a warm embrace before they engage in some mock boxing for the cameras.

While there were many dark periods during Tyson’s career, the segment is another light-hearted moment from the boxer who enjoys playing pranks and being a comedian these days.

Tyson destroys Trevor Berbick to become the youngest heavyweight champion ever in their 1986 bout at the Las Vegas Hilton

Tyson famously played himself in the Hollywood comedy The Hangover and its sequel, while also playing himself in a bizarre series of ads for Australian company Ultra Tune.

He has pranked the likes of UFC president Dana White, played himself on prank television show Public Disturbance and was one of the entertainers on the panel of the Comedy Central Roast of Charlie Sheen.

Ed Helms, Zach Gailifanakis, Mike Tyson and Bradley Cooper in a scene from The Hangover

Not all of his interactions with fans have ended well, though. In April this year Tyson repeatedly struck a passenger on a flight from San Francisco to Florida, leaving him with a bloody forehead. 

The passenger had allegedly harassed Tyson and thrown a bottle of water at him, with Tyson telling him to ‘chill’ before lashing out at him. 

Aussies were shocked by Tyson’s bizarre appearances in Ultra Tune commercials

Tyson also elbowed a fan in the chest during Floyd Mayweather’s win over Manny Pacquiao in 2015.

Tyson warned people in December 2020 that they were getting ‘too comfortable’ with talking behind a keyboard and not being held accountable.

‘Social media made y’all way to comfortable with disrespecting people and not getting punched in the face for it,’ Tyson wrote in a Facebook post which has since been taken down.

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Hilarious moment Aussie ‘Butterbean’ says he could fight Mike Tyson – who shows up RIGHT BEHIND HIM

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Filed Under: Articles - World

Covid-19: ‘Spread your legs’ – Chris Hipkins’ hilarious subtle joke for NZ at press conference – NZ Herald

July 18, 2022 by humorouz Leave a Comment

He’s done it again!

Covid-19 response Minister Chris Hipkins went viral for his now famous “spread their legs” gaffe, now he’s back at it again making Kiwis laugh at Wednesday’s Covid press conference.

A few weeks ago, on the podium, Hipkins made a rather unintentional X-rated error, telling Kiwis about how they should social distance when they “spread their legs”.

“It is a challenge for people in high density areas to get outside and spread their legs when they are surrounded by other people,” he said.

His quirky moment became a moment of New Zealand nostalgia and was quickly turned into merchandise – in this case a coffee mug.

On the mug was a picture of Hipkins with the words “spread your legs, not the virus”.

On Wednesday, Hipkins gave the nation another moment to laugh at when he spread his lips around the very mug that made fun of his gaffe, adding another moment of humour to the otherwise intense Covid-19 press conferences.

Minutes before Hipkins was set to address the nation, his press secretary placed the mug on the podium.

Hipkins, then directed a cheeky grin at the journalists before taking a sip from the personalised mug as he dove into proceedings.

The moment captured hearts yet again on social media, with many praising his humour and ability to lighten the mood.

As Chris Hipkins wisely once told the public, spread your legs, not the virus! Photo / Screengrab, Facebook
As Chris Hipkins wisely once told the public, spread your legs, not the virus! Photo / Screengrab, Facebook

One person said: “I love that we live in a country where Chris Hipkins can do this and people take it for the laugh it is. This is proper owning it.”

Another added: “Chris Hipkins that mug and the cheeky grin before the sip was chefs kiss.”

A third declared: “Every time I spread my legs I think about Minister Hipkins.”

Good to see @chrishipkins having a bit of light hearted moment…. #spreadyourlegsnz #COVID19nz pic.twitter.com/GkOBqDB6Ld

— Leigh Hunt (assiduously scanning) (@leighghunt)

Chris Hipkins: “Get out there and spread your legs”

Nobody: …

Chris Hipkins: *sips from mug*
.
.@chrishipkins pic.twitter.com/UrTkIj4zqw

— Asa Campbell (@ajcnz86)

Okay, Chris Hipkins is officially my favourite today.

— Captain Rainbow Princess Unicorn (@mycaptainplush)

Chris Hipkins is definitely the breakout star of this recent 1pm Daily Update Season. 😂

— Corrine O (@CorrineOConnell)

@chrishipkins may have been my motivation for tuning into the 1pm update today, and he did not disappoint! However, today’s laughs were intended jokes as opposed to the previous slip up. It brought me joy to see him using his new mug. Man, I love this country!

— Aimee W (@92aims)

It wasn’t Hipkins’ only mic-drop moment at today’s press conference.

When asked if he needs to drop a portfolio or two to focus on Covid-19, as Chris Bishop has been forced to do in the National Party, Hikins replied: “It’s amazing what you can accomplish if you focus your time and energy onto your work rather than fighting with your colleagues.”

At the time of Hipkins’ original gaffe, he then went on to say “I’m sure you’ll all have fun with me later.”

Filed Under: Articles - World

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