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Archives for April 2019

Pat Sajak Takes Out Kimmel And Other Leftist Celebrities With One Hilarious Tweet

April 5, 2019 by humorouz Leave a Comment

Pat Sajak, the host of Wheel of Fortune and a very funny man, issued a tweet in the wake of the plethora of uninformed opinions offered by self-important celebrities (Need we mention Jimmy Kimmel?) in response to the Las Vegas massacre:

OK, let me explain this again: We’re celebs. We’re wiser & more empathetic than you. We are famous. Please take our opinions more seriously.

— Pat Sajak (@patsajak) October 4, 2017

This is not the first time Sajak, a political conservative, has lanced the celebrity bubble of leftism that pervades Hollywood; his resume should have been a warning to leftists that his wit would target them. Sajak is an external director for the conservative publishing house Eagle Publishing, serves on the Board of Trustees at Hillsdale College and has served on the Board of Directors for the Claremont Institute.

Here are some other examples of Sajak pointedly targeting the Left:

Looking forward to next awards show/lecture.

— Pat Sajak (@patsajak) January 10, 2017

Nobody abhors violence more than Hollywood, and nobody does more to glorify it.

— Pat Sajak (@patsajak) January 12, 2017

I wonder if the celebrities who moved out of the country will return for the demonstrations?

— Pat Sajak (@patsajak) January 18, 2017

Unhappy about results of last week’s People’s Choice Awards. Thinking of breaking Starbucks windows & trashing limos.

— Pat Sajak (@patsajak) January 21, 2017

Changing the world one screamed obscenity at a time.

— Pat Sajak (@patsajak) January 23, 2017

“Alexa, turn on CNN. I want to hear the news.” “You’ll have to pick one or the other.”

— Pat Sajak (@patsajak) July 7, 2017

Does anyone have thinner skins than the “tough” news media?

— Pat Sajak (@patsajak) January 13, 2017

Filed Under: Articles - World

Tony Hawk Keeps Tweeting When People Don’t Recognize Him And It’s Freaking Hilarious

April 5, 2019 by humorouz Leave a Comment

Let’s go over something real quick: This is what pro skateboarder Tony Hawk looks like.

Mike Coppola / Getty Images

I’m telling you this because SOME OF YOU apparently have a hard time recognizing Tony Hawk in the flesh. But the good news is, he has a sense of humor about it — and he’s been documenting every one of your awkward encounters on Twitter.

When people meet Tony Hawk, they seem to realize that he’s…somebody:

But they just aren’t quite sure who that somebody is:

A whole lot of the exchanges take place at airports:

And on airplanes, too:

Some people are downright rude to poor, sweet Tony Hawk:

While others inadvertently compliment him:

This lady knew he was famous, but couldn’t figure out what he did for a living:

And ALL of these people are better than this guy, who actually did recognize Tony Hawk and still found a way to be rude about it:

Look, a little confusion is understandable! Most people aren’t expecting to run into Tony Hawk IRL — including this flight attendant:

But at the end of the day, we should all strive to be more like this guy:

So one more time for the people in the back: This is Tony Hawk’s face. Stare at it, study it, imprint it in your brain!

Mike Coppola / Getty Images

Please be nice to him if you see him around.

Filed Under: Articles - World

These Viral Moments of WWE Diva is Hilarious AF (Video)

April 4, 2019 by humorouz Leave a Comment

WWE has some fair share of hilarious bloopers.

Filed Under: Articles - World

Debunking Four Crazy Cortez Ideas – Dan Bongino

April 4, 2019 by humorouz Leave a Comment

Authored by: Matt Palumbo

The new Democratic-Socialist darling Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez called out CRTV’s Allie Stuckley earlier this week for a satirical video Stuckley released mocking Cortez. The video featured Stuckley “interviewing” Cortez, except Cortez’s “replies” were clips taken from a disastrous PBS interview she gave. Under the impression that the obviously-satirical video was somehow a “hit piece,” Cortez responded “Republicans are so scared of me that they’re faking videos and presenting them as real on Facebook because they can’t deal with reality anymore.”

Well, that’s certainly an ironic statement if I’ve ever seen one. It’s understandable why Cortez thinks a casual observer could’ve mistaken Stuckley’s satirical video as legitimate – because Cortez’s views truly are indistinguishable from parody.

And on that note, let’s give Red Cortez’s craziest ideas and comments a look.

What’s an Unemployment Rate?

Despite boasting an economics degree, it’s no wonder she was never employed in the field. In the aforementioned PBS interview that Stuckley quoted from, Cortez told host Margaret Hoover that the only reason the unemployment rate is so low in the Trump economy is because everyone is working too hard.  “Well, I think the numbers you just talked about is part of the problem, right?” Cortez said. “We look at these figures and we say, ‘Oh, unemployment is low, everything is fine, right?’ Unemployment is low because everyone has two jobs,” she continued. “Unemployment is low because people are working 60, 70, 80 hours a week and can barely feed their family.”

To quote GEICO; that’s not how this works. That’s not how any of this works.

A person’s employment status is binary – they’re either employed or they aren’t. Having multiple jobs doesn’t have any effect on the unemployment rate, because the “employed” person’s status remains “employed” when they take another job. I’m unsure how Cortez thinks the unemployment rate is calculated, but she must think it has to do with the ratio of unfilled jobs to the percentage of total jobs, while in reality it’s the number of unemployed divided by the total size of the labor force.

And speaking of people working two jobs, the percentage of Americans in that situation is the lowest its ever been.

Whites (5%) and blacks (5.3%) were the most likely to hold 2+ jobs, while Asians (3.2%) and Hispanics (3.4%) were the least likely. Half of multiple job holders work one full time job and a second part time job, while 35% had two part-time jobs.  The latter appear to be trying to piece together a full time job. Another 13% were described as having their hours vary on the primary or secondary job in the Bureau of Labor statistics.

A Federal Jobs Guarantee 

To combat the non-existent unemployment problem, Cortez proposed a federal jobs guarantee as part of her platform. The concept is relatively straightforward – if anyone is out of a job in the private (i.e. real) economy, the government will find a government job for them. What could possibly go wrong?

A lot.

For one, while liberals may view a federal jobs guarantee as a safety net for when private sector employees become unemployed, in reality it would contribute to a ever-expanding federal workforce. Given that federal employees rarely quit, and almost never get fired, we’d be employing everyone at the Hotel California before we know it.

This would further contribute to the program’s own sustainability. Who in their right mind would work in the private sector, when they can work in the public sector, work less, and have almost no risk of being fired? As a result, we’d see a smaller private labor force, which means less tax revenue for the government, while a larger government workforce means more revenue will be needed. Hello deficits.

The biggest problem however, is that it puts the government in charge of allocating labor. What kind of jobs will the government create for people? Will they require training? Will there be any safeguards against workers who don’t do anything? Spoiler alert to that last question: there won’t be.

As insane as such an idea is, House Democrats did introduce a federal jobs guarantee bill this week, which should serve as a reminder to vote in the midterms.

Assault Weapons Ban

This too is part of Cortez’s platform, and it’s relatively easy to debunk, given that Bill Clinton put an assault weapons ban into effect. Since roughly 300 people are killed each year by all rifles (regular + “assault” rifles), it seems like an odd way to combat gun violence (but then again, liberals only really try to campaign against “scary” guns).

The Department of Justice studied the 1994 Assault Weapons Ban, and concluded that “We cannot clearly credit the ban with any of the nation’s recent drop in gun violence.” While there was an overall drop in gun violence during the 90s, all crime was declining (and gun ownership was increasing). Plus, assault weapons are a small fraction of all firearms, so it would be silly to attribute their ban to a decline in violence.

Or, as the DOJ puts it, “Should it [the Assault Weapons Ban] be renewed, the ban’s effects on gun violence are likely to be small at best and perhaps too small for reliable measurement.” It’s ironic that it’s liberals who often call for the government to fund more research on gun violence and gun control, and yet when they do, the results seldom confirm their bias.

Housing (or Anything, Really) as a Human Right

Cortez’s platform calls for “housing (not sheltering) the homeless,” with zero actual solution on how to achieve that. I mention that, because liberals love to talk about things that people have a “right” to, but they really mean a “right to something for free.” And for that, you need some sort of enforcement mechanism.

To give just one example, a right to housing is written into Section 26 of South Africa’s Constitution, and yet the nation faces chronic housing shortages. Nearly a fifth of their entire population (12 million people) lacks adequate housing. Is it really a surprise that calling something a right didn’t lead to everyone magically having a house?

Think about it – isn’t housing already a human right? Isn’t healthcare a human right? Isn’t education? Of course they are – just as everyone has a “right” to own a gun. The difference is that conservatives don’t think that means the government should purchase everyone a firearm.

Conclusion

It’s undeniable that Cortez’s platform appears compassionate to the casual observer. Conservatives attacking Cortez on the basis that she “thinks people have a right to education and healthcare” are setting themselves up for mockery. Rather than attack Cortez’s ideas “on paper” (the only place they sound good), we should focus on showcasing the impracticality of how she (or anyone) wants to implement such ideas.

Now, who thinks this article could use a part two?

Filed Under: Articles - World

5 ‘Eco-Friendly’ Products That Failed In Hilarious Ways

April 4, 2019 by humorouz Leave a Comment

Products fail for all sorts of reasons. Sometimes the market doesn’t understand it, sometimes the world isn’t ready for that kind of innovation, and sometimes it’s just a Steven Seagal rap album, and therefore deserves to burn. But other times, a product fails not because it was bad, but because everybody in charge of the launch was criminally inept, fist-eatingly crazy, chemically stupid, or all of the above. Remember how …

Sun Chips’ New Bags Were Loud Enough To Cause Hearing Loss

In 2009, Sun Chips — the official snack of the abstract concept of disappointment — made an environmentally friendly change to their packaging, going from the old plastic bags to new, more biodegradable ones. But there was a catch: The new bags crinkled loud enough to cause hearing loss. That’s not comic hyperbole. Rustling the bags clocked in at over 100 decibels. That’s louder than a motorcycle, and only slightly quieter than an average dad sneezing.

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Not everyone was willing to risk their hearing for bits of cardboard with a light coating of flavor dust, so customers wrote the company and asked for quieter packaging. At one point, there was a Facebook group with 44,000 followers, which was simply and beautifully named “SORRY BUT I CAN’T HEAR YOU OVER THIS SUN CHIPS BAG.”

Sun Chips eventually caved and sent their loud-ass bags to the compost pile, pulling them from all but one of their flavors while they came up with a new eco-friendly replacement. They did nothing to change the actual chips, though, which is the real tragedy here.

McDonald’s Coffee Stirrers Made Perfect Heroin Spoons

McDonald’s used to have these long-handled spoons for customers to stir their coffee. Whatever happened to those things?

via SnopesWe’ll give you a moment to re-read the header to this entry …

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McDonald’s wasn’t lovin’ their newfound connection to the drug trade, so once it became clear that they were accidentally doubling as a family friendly head shop, they switched to the boring old flat coffee stirrers you know today. You know, the ones we all run lines of coke off of.

via PriceonomicsNobody tell McDonald’s.

Lululemon Blamed Fat Women For Their Shoddy Yoga Pants

Lululemon is a clothing brand that specializes in expensive workout gear and feelings of superiority. But for a luxury brand, they sure did cheap out on the fabric — one unhappy customer took this picture through a pair of her transparent yoga pants:

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After far too many women complained about inadvertently flashing their buttholes during downward dog, Lululemon admitted that they had a small quality control problem. They pulled the pants and worked with suppliers to improve their product. Except that the next shipment had the exact same issue, only now they also fell apart after a few months. Problem solved: You can’t complain about see-through pants if you don’t have any pants. That’s next-level stuff right there.

Frustrated, their founder went on the news to state once and for all what the real problem was: You’re too goddamn fat for his pants. Chip Wilson (no really, that’s his name) looked straight into the camera on national news and said, “Some women’s bodies just don’t actually work [in the pants].”

Bloomberg TV via ABC NewsThe same way some men’s brains just don’t actually work (in their heads).

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Valspar Sold Cat Piss Paint

When Valspar removed an additive from one of their paint lines, they set off a chain of events as unforeseeable as it was hilarious. Without the preservative, a special kind of bacteria was able to grow inside of the cans — one that had a potent smell most noticeable only after people painted their homes with it and the weather turned hot.

The company described the smell as “ammonia-like,” but customers were more specific: They thought it smelled exactly like cat pee. So much so, in fact, that customers reported searching their homes for phantom cats, convinced a local feline must have snuck in to piss on a new and exciting rug. People deep-cleaned their carpets, took all of their furniture out of their homes, scrubbed their floors — all to no effect. It wasn’t until they started banging their heads against the walls in frustration that they realized where the smell was coming from.

Valspar“Oh, you wanted our Pristine paint …”

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Valspar offered vouchers for new cans of paint, but some customers weren’t satisfied. Many had gone to great lengths (and cost) to identify the smell, not to mention the original time and cost of painting. Getting a free can of paint from somebody when the last can of paint you got from them turned your house into a cat sewer doesn’t seem like a “win.”

Car Companies Coated Their Wiring In Soy, And Animals Ate It

In an effort to be more eco-conscious, car companies like Honda, Volvo, and Toyota all switched their motor wiring from traditional plastic to a new design, with the wires encased in soy-based wrapping. Please allow yourself ample time to think of ways this could go wrong. The end of this sentence should be more than enough.

WPTVDamn picky vegan eaters.

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In response to the lawsuits, Toyota stated: “Rodent damage to vehicle wiring occurs across the industry, and the issue is not brand- or model-specific. We are currently not aware of any scientific evidence that shows rodents are attracted to automotive wiring because of alleged soy-based content.”

But that’s not entirely true. There is prior evidence that soy-based car parts attract critters. Back in the 1940s, some states conserved metal for WWII by making license plates out of compressed soybeans. They had to stop when cows and goats kept chewing the plates right off the cars. It’s true what they say: Those who ignore history are doomed to commute to work in a rat-infested Fiesta.

You can be eco-friendly too and it requires virtually no effort. Get a recycling bin!

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Filed Under: Articles - World

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