They say the more you laugh, the longer you live. With that logic, these hilarious quotes can certainly add more hours to your life. Laughter is often touted as the best medicine for good health. You don’t need a reason to laugh, yet most people find it hard to get any time to indulge in mirth and joy for even a few minutes in a day.
Here are some hilarious quotes, by famous men and women, which will certainly bring a smile on your lips or a chuckle. Share with friends and loved ones or read these funny quotes to yourself to spend some great time.
Humorous Quotes and Sayings
A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.
Zsa Zsa Gabor
I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.
Joe E. Lewis
Half the people in Hollywood are dying to be discovered and the other half are afraid they will be.
Lionel Barrymore
Of course women don’t work as hard as men. They get it right the first time.
Unknown
I’m all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let’s start with typewriters.
Frank Lloyd Wright
I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.
Oscar Wilde
Hilarious Quotes with Pictures
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.
Oscar Wilde
All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of chips.
Unknown
Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up the pillow was gone.
Tommy Cooper
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
W. C. Fields
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
David Rosam
I was asked to name all the presidents. I thought they already had names.
Demitri Martin
You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen; it said ‘Parking Fine’.
Tommy Cooper
Funny Short Quotes
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
Dave Barry
I’m so poor I can’t even pay attention.
Ron Kittle
Politics: ‘Poli’ a Latin word meaning ’many’; and ’tics ’ meaning ’bloodsucking creatures’.
Robin Williams
I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.
Rodney Dangerfield
The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off.
Joe Klaas
I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn’t.
James Holt McGavra
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Quote of the Day to make you Laugh
A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain.
Robert Frost
The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.
H.V. Prochnow
If the dead talk to you, you are a spiritualist; if God talks to you, you are a schizophrenic.
Thomas Szasz
I believe in the discipline of silence, and could talk for hours about it.
George Bernard Shaw
Women spend their whole life to find the right man just to tell him everyday that he is wrong.
Unknown
You might also like our hilariously funny jokes.
Funny Facebook Quotes
Honolulu – it’s got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife’s mother.
Ken Dodd
Part of the $10 million I spent on gambling, part on booze and part on women. The rest I spent foolishly.
George Raft
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.
Oscar Wilde
I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.
Groucho Marx
Silly Quotes
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
Emo Philips
Wouldn’t exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them?
Bill Murray
Just because I give you advice, it doesn’t mean I know more than you, it just means I’ve done more stupid shit.
Unknown
I have Alzheimer’s bulimia – first I eat everything in sight and then I forget to puke.
Cindy from Marzahn
I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.
Chris Rock
Tip: These hilarious quotes make great photo captions on Facebook.
Humorous Catch Phrases
Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?
Robin Williams
You are going to be fine, you come from a strong line of lunatics.
Unknown
When they asked George Washington for his ID, he just took out a quarter.
Stephen Wright.
You’re on Hilarious Quotes to Tickle Your Funny Bone.
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